"I Want To Be a Billionaire!" (FDREL)

My value and worth is not based off of things of the world. (Luke 12:15)

I am not 100% sure that that is what the scripture is saying, but when I read it that is immediately what came to mind. So many of us,  base our worth off of what we have or don't have. With us girls we "aren't worth anything" because we aren't pretty enough or have the right clothes. For guys the world tells you that you aren't good enough if you aren't super rich and successful or have a lot of women around you. Its sad. But this is one thing that I love about the scriptures; we have all of these ideas in society that make us think less of ourselves and in the scriptures, even though it was written thousands of years ago, we can still find comfort and answers to these problems. We can be assured that, no matter what, we are always worth something and that we can find peace in the Savior's teachings. The scriptures I feel were way ahead of their times. Someone knew we would be having problems and knew through the spirit what to write so that we could be happy even in this wicked time.

I posted this to our class discussion board and one of the students commented on it saying that he feels it is more a class problem instead of a gender problem. He is very right. Our world is all about getting to the top class and being as wealthy as humanly possible. WHY!? I was thinking about it the other day and after you earn so much money it loses its fun! Why have all of that money? There are only so many things you can spend it on anyway. I feel like I would get really bored with all too much money. I would eventually start giving it away to charities or friends/family who needed it. I guess I am the type of person who doesn't need a lot of money. I just need to be able to take care of my family with what I have.

"And You Turn Yourself About! That's What its All About!" (FAML)

     Turning toward each other. Why is that something that is not second nature for us? Why is it harder for us to turn to those whom we love? I think it is interesting that this is something everyone has to work on. Its like how a lot of us were nicer to our friends than we were to our siblings growing up. So many times it is easier for us to turn toward friends faster than it is to turn toward a spouse or family members. By doing so we are pushing those closest to us away. How sad is that? This week in Gottman's book he talked a lot about making sure that the things we are doing point us toward our spouse. Obviously if this is something that needs to be taught by a marriage therapist then it is a big problem for the world. Maybe we are just so used to turning to our friends first that turning to people we live with isn't second nature anymore. It is habit to go cry to our friends before our family.

     Same goes with being on our devices all of the time. Gottman talked about how those can really hurt our relationships. There comes a point when turning to our device out of boredom or stonewalling can become habit. It becomes second nature to be looking at your phone instead of looking for ways to be in the world. With electronic devises they can be great. They are an easy way to get a hold of your spouse while they are away. They can strengthen your relationship but if you are too focused on facebook or tweeting then you can miss so many of life's greatest moments. You can easily miss an opportunity to tell your husband or wife that you love them or that they look really great that day. Learning to put our phones down can do so much for us these days.

    With these habits that the world is helping us form we need to make sure that we are doing our very best to give positive attention to our husbands and wives. We need to make sure that they know we are listening and wanting to hear what they have to say. We should be reteaching ourselves to talk to them about our problems first. I heard a quote once that said "keep your marriage within your marriage."  It is so important that we love our spouses enough to tell them when something is wrong or when we need help. We should be turning to them. Think about it. Didn't you marry them because they were your best friend anyway? Keep it that way

*By the way, 5 points to who can guess what my title is referring to. :)

"Family, Isn't it About Time?" (FAML)

     Alright down to the good stuff. First of all I just realized that the titled has two meanings (if you are a Mormon then you will know exactly where it is from). Anyway, I realized as I was typing it that family is all about giving time and energy, but that it is also time for us to focus on our family and strengthening them. Which fits perfectly with what we were talking about this week in my family class. 

      We focused on strengthening our love maps and nurturing our relationships. For those of you who have no idea what a love map is, which is probably most or all of you, I will tell you. Love maps consist of the little things that we know about our spouses. Like which relatives bug them or if you were at a restaurant you would know what kind of dressing your spouse would like or what their favorite drink is. Little things like that. You might be wondering why those things would be important. Gottman tells us that the more we know about our spouse the easier it is to get through the hard times. Even with the little details. Think about it; don't you feel cool when people ask you about your boyfriend/girlfriend and you know exactly what is going on with them? Why do you feel that? Probably because you feel connected to them, almost like they trust you. Am I right? 

    This last week was fun for me. I love being able to sit down with my husband and getting to know him better. In Gottman's book there were questions to go through to see how strong the reader's love maps are with their significant other. So, Jamie and I sat down and went through some of the questions and it turned out to be a good long conversation about our families, things we didn't even know about ourselves. I loved it. It gave us time to focus on each other and to strengthen our brand new relationship. 

     

Deny Himself (FDREL)

      Time for some religion! This week as I was reading in Matthew 16 and found something interesting. It says " Then said Jesus unto his disciples, if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me" 
I originally thought it was to bear our burdens and trust in God to get through them. But as I was digging deeper I found this in the footnotes: "And now for a man to take up his cross, is to deny himself all ungodliness, and every worldly lust, and keep my commandments."
Here it tells us to deny ourselves of ungodliness and follow the Savior. I thought that was interesting.  I love how there is so much more meaning to the scriptures than we see just by reading them quickly. We need to make sure that we are always trying to study them and not just skim over them to say we read that day. That does us little good, especially when we are actually trying to deny ourselves of ungodliness and progress toward our Savior and Heavenly Father.
       I also thought it was interesting how in Matt 18:15 says " Moreover if they brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother."  He doesn't tell us to make sure that we embarrass the person in front of people and take care of the problem right then and there, but he tells us to make it private and help them to understand what was done. They don't need you to yell at them for messing up. They might need to hear what you have to say but it needs to be done in the way that Christ would do it. Would He embarrass you? No. He would tell you in secret so that you could know what needs to change and how to change it, Think about it, if someone, especially the Savior embarrassed you, would you want to do anything they say? No! That is why when we correct people and need something to hcange we need to take into consideration how they are feeling and thinking and try to do things as lovingly as possible. 

How Do You Repair? (FAML)

This week in my Family class we started a book called "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman and it is so good so far! I don't know, maybe it is just me and I just like learning about marriage and the family. But here are a couple of things that I noticed. 

        One thing is that happily married couples are healthier than those who are fighting all of the time. I never thought about that but it makes complete sense. When you are fighting all of the time you body is spending more energy, it is a lot more stressed out, especially for those who are just waiting for their spouse to explode. And I am sure they aren't getting good enough sleep. But with all of that wear and tear of course your immune system isn't going to be able to handle the bigger sicknesses. 

    The other thing that stood out to me was the fact that Gottman says most marital conflicts cannot be resolved. I once saw a video where a wife was talking to her husband about this pain she feels in her head. As they pan out there is a nail in her forehead. Her husband pipes in and tells her that her problem is that there is a nail in her head and that her problems would go away if she would take it out. As he does so the wife looks at him almost glaring and says "Its not about the nail!" The wife goes on to explain that her husband just isn't listening and she just needs to have him listen to her and sympathize. With the little things like leaving the toilet seat up, or not doing the dishes Gottman tells us that there are deeper problems that aren't getting resolved. What we need to realize is that those smaller issues are us trying to change our spouse. That isn't going to happen and we shouldn't expect it to. All it really takes is honoring and respecting each other. With some of the examples that Gottman uses it sounds like most of the wives have little respect for their husbands and that is what makes the arguing worse and more hurtful.

Gottman tells us that it is ok for us to argue, every couple does, but when we have that mutual respect and honor for each other we make sure that the arguments don't get out of hand. When that happens is when the contempt and distrust comes in.

What are some repair attempts that you use to make sure things don't get out of hand? Are there some that work better than others?

More Than Enough (FDREL)

This week for my religion class we read about the story of the Savior feeding thousands with just a few loaves of bread and a couple of fish. As I read this story this is what came to mind:

Matthew 14:13 As I follow the Savior, there will always be enough and more.

 

In this verse it is the disciples bringing back the left over bread and fish. There were 12 baskets left. In the beginning there was very little fish or bread. As the disciples fed the crowd there was always enough for the next person. When the disciples were done and brought the baskets back there was still plenty to eat. I love this. The Savior here is showing us that He is always enough. When we trust in Him, He will always be able to help us. Not only that though, He is showing us that His atonement is enough. All we need to do is trust Him and believe that as we repent and try to become like Him it will be enough and that it is possible to become like Him. We also need to see that the atonement is more than just repenting. It is there for anything we need. Whether it is strength, happiness, or anything else. The atonement is there for everything. 

    I know the Savior lives and loves us to the end. He is there for us no matter what the situation.

Wanted: Moms & Dads! (FAML)

This week we listened to and read a few talks from the apostles about marriage and the importance of it in Heavenly Father's plan of Happiness. My favorite ones was by Elder David A. Bednar. He talked about different principles that are important to marriage and how they apply to the plan of happiness. I don't know why but the thing that always stands out to me when talking about marriage and children is the fact that female and male spirits complete each other, which is one of the first things that Elder Bednar pointed out. There are so many strengths that my husband has that I definitely lack. But I love that because that means that he is going to level us out and that our kids can learn more from us than if it was just me. It makes so much sense as to why we need both parents. The whole world knows there is a difference between boys and girls but instead of using that to their advantage they tell us that it is bad and that we all need to be completely equal. Can't they see that that is exactly what makes everything work out so well? Don't they see that now when women are just as beastly as men the children at home are suffering because mom is too caught up in work? Or how everything is so competitive these days that it is hard to have respect for anyone because you feel like they are a threat to you? That is so sad! There is a quote that talks about how we have plenty of tough, rough, aggressive women and how we need more nurturing, loving, and kind women. It is true girls are like that for a reason. Society needs our loving touch and the hard work of men. Just because we are different does not make us unequal. I love that I have the attributes of a woman, and that my husband has the hard working attributes of a man. Together we can teach our children to love and work hard, instead of one or the other.

      I feel like I should add in a little side note here. There are definitely times when mom needs to work or there aren’t both parents in the home. That is ok and there is nothing wrong with that. The problem is when single mothers choose to bring children into the world knowing that the dad is not going to be in the picture. We as members of the church need to stand up for what we know. We need to try as hard as we can to make sure our children have both parents, so that they can learn and grow in the most celestial way.

Self Improvement (FDREL)

Time for another post on things that I have studied...This week as we read in the gospels I began to realize how much the Savior focuses on Faith in Him and how important that really is to see miracles.

    One of my favorite aspects of this gospel is how simple it is. This week as I have been reading the thing that has stuck out the most to me is that fact that everything important is based off of faith in the Savior. I was just looking at my other principles (we come up with three every time we read) and realized they are the same general idea as this one, in the sense that we need faith in Jesus Christ to accomplish true growth and change. As a newly wed my husband and I are relying on these miracles to get us through each month. It has been so nice to have this constant reminder of how to get through rough times and how it all take believing that the Savior and our Heavenly Father will help. As we do all that we can to follow in the Savior's footsteps we will be taken care of and we don't need to fear. Not that there is anything wrong with my marriage haha We are just like every other newly wed couple and are poor. So we are showing our faith each month by continuing to pay our tithing and keeping the commandments. We know as we do so that we will be blessed and that Heavenly Father will provide for us.

     As a missionary it was tricky to teach the importance of paying tithing and how even when we don't think that we can make it through the month when we pay it, somehow things work out. Many times it took people months to even try to pay tithing. Is it sad that the whole time I was thinking "oh ye of little faith"? As a missionary it is easy to see that things work out but as a normal human being it is so easy to forget how willing Heavenly Father really is to be there to lift us up and help us. That is something that I am trying to regain. I feel like as a missionary my faith was much stronger. I had no doubts that God would step in and take control when he needed to. I still have some of that faith but I need to get the rest of it back. That will be the project for the next little while.

I Believe (FAML)

Alright, this week in class we talked about the LGBT community. And with a class on marriage you can't really avoid that subject, especially when you are at an LDS school. Honestly I think it is fascinating to learn about that culture...is that the right word for it? It is just interesting to me to see how the choices of others really can and do affect how society works.

As a side note though, this blog is not to offend anyone. This is simply what I have come to know for myself. I have a lot of respect still for those people who do have those feelings. I do not condemn them nor do I feel like they should have any fewer rights. They are still children of God and He loves them just as much as His other children. That I do know.

        This is a topic of which I have very strong feelings. I know what is right and I know what is wrong. Ever since I was a little kid I always wanted to follow the rules and get along in life without causing trouble, and I could never understand why anyone would want to do anything different. My feelings for this are the same. I know that the Prophet and apostles are called of God and cannot lead us astray. I know that what they teach is truth and we should pray and come to know for ourselves that what they say is what Heavenly Father wants us to know. It is hard for me to see my active friends fighting against the prophet claiming that he needs to catch up with the times.

     On my mission I taught a few lesbians and as I did so I was able to study the bible more and learn more about what it teaches. The interesting thing to me is that is very plainly explains that man to man love is not ok and that is the whole reason why cities were destroyed. It was abominable in the sight of God. It was surprisingly easy to stick to what I knew but surprisingly hard to show love without letting these daughters of God think that I was ok with their choices. I am still working on that balance.

     On a different note,In one of our readings it specifically focused on gay men and studies based off of their dating habits. in the studies I thought it was interesting that it showed gays were so promiscuous and had few cares as to their significant other’s faithfulness to them. I thought about how Satan is destroying the family with straight couples by making them think that sex outside of marriage is ok, and that cohabitation is ok too. Satan is also working on the LGBT community in the same way. As he does this the values of the children in those families will decrease and even if their children are straight they are going to have little to no concept of fidelity and the importance of saving themselves for one person or sticking around after they have made commitments, in turn declining the moral values of society even more.

*Other little side note: I found this information through statics and databases. I did not make this information up on my own.