Well, I must be insane....I am going on a date tomorrow. Now stop it, I may not be ready for a relationship but this is going to be a just for fun date. What harm could it do? My friend asked me to be a model for some pictures she wanted to take and her fiance asked if I just wanted to go on a double with them after. Sure why not?
I am actually really looking forward to tomorrow. I am going to have no time to sit down, which is exactly what I need. I can't afford to have any free time right now-too much time to think. So tomorrow I will be going to the temple with a new friend of mine which I cannot wait to get there and do some work for the dead! I always feel so accomplished when I leave the temple! After I am going straight to practice a song I am singing in church on Sunday. Ha! Yep, Madi Woods is going to sing in church. This will be my first time for reals preforming by choice (the other ones were for primary programs) and I am a little nervous. I don't sing, especially not in front of people! Not only that, I am singing the alto part for some of it which will also be interesting because I have only ever done the melody, however I am liking the alto part. So we shall see how this goes! Any hoodles, after the singing I have the photo shoot and date, hope its as fun as it sounds! I am sure it will be. :)
Remember how in my last post I mentioned something knew seemed to come up every day? I guess it wasn't over. Now the ex is dating my close friend....yeah the same one I stayed with that Saturday. I had heard that they were thinking about it earlier, but they are official so now I can talk about it. According to what she said: they were talking in the car and then he told her that he still had feelings for her. Then I heard from him later on, that the night of the break up she texted him saying she had feelings for him now. He didn't even know he had thrown her under the bus, but he did and I know the truth now. You know, it would really make things better hearing the truth first, I don't care how much it would hurt. I just want to know the truth. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people lie to me. I don't care if you think you are doing me a favor, tell me the freaking truth and I will be much happier in the end. Anyway! Not sure how I feel about it. Okay, that is a COMPLETE lie. I don't like it, not at all. Instead of just losing one friend I lost another along with him. They say they still want me to hang out, but lets be honest here...are they really going to want a third wheel with them? Not likely. And I don't really know if I could stomach watching them hold hands and do all of that cuddly.....stuff. I already had to delete both off my Facebook; it hurt too much to see their updates, pictures, and tagged status'.
I honestly am not mad at them at all, let's get that straight. I told them things are fine and they are. I can't sit here and expect them not to date when they like each other; that is selfish of me. However, I don't have to sit here and torture myself by being around them all of the time. I was talking to a close friend and she basically told me that I needed to grow a backbone and stand up for myself. Someone has to do it. She then went on to say that they couldn't have the best of both worlds. That kind of struck me. That is when I realized I am WAY to much of a people pleaser (sp?). What is that saying...good guys finish last? The same goes for girls too. I have had so many instances where I work my tail off to make people happy and then I end up getting nothing or losing something in the end. This time it is my turn to take care of myself. Then I can work on others.
Alright time for some positive! Last night was hard. I had gotten a text from a friend while I was at basketball, telling me that they had made things official. I am so glad I was not at home alone when I found out. The funny thing was, I had people texting me through the night asking if I was ok, telling me they loved me, and making sure I had something to do other than sit around my house hurt. I wish I could tag them in this, but I am so grateful to those friends who have been there for me through this whole thing. I was honestly worried that I would have no one to turn to and that I would have to man up and take this on my own. The people I have met in this ward have been so incredible though. I have hardly had a chance to be alone since last Tuesday. I have been invited to different things almost every night and others have reached out making sure I know I am loved. That is exactly what I needed and still do need. Like I said, I thrive on my social life and when that was taken, I had the opportunity to make a knew one. I almost didn't, but thank goodness I had one smart moment where I decided to go out with my new friends. I knew I would be grateful that I did in the end.
My Heavenly Father has blessed me so much through this, and has always been there watching out for me. I knew if I asked He would help. This ladies and gentlemen, is why you should always turn to the Lord. He knows what will make you happy. Even if you think you know what is best and how to fix things; turn to Him. He can help you either get those things, or find others that will make you even happier. I didn't know that these people would end up being the best thing for me, but He did. I know He lives and is always there for me. I thought I had a decent friendship with My Heavenly Father beforehand, but now I know that it can always be stronger and that He will never leave me, even when it seems everyone else has. I love Him and am so grateful that I have the opportunity to pray to Him. I think I am finally ready to get on with things! :)
I was just thinking, I make this sounds like some horrible trial. Yeah it hasn't been fun, but really my life is great! I have a loving family, incredible friends, my health, a great job, and the gospel in my life. What more do I need? That is more than a lot of people can say. I truly am blessed.
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