Well my appetite is finally coming back! I ended up going with very minimal food for the 8 days. On Thursday basketball was really hard because I had zero energy (I still kicked butt though, yes!). From there I decided to try to eat more. I ate some but still not enough to really sustain me. Yesterday was Fast Sunday and it was almost easy. I didn't even end up having dinner that night and I still felt fine. This morning was the first time I actually got up and wanted breakfast, so its getting better! I'm not totally back to normal yet but hey I am eating and that is what counts right?...Words cannot describe how insane the past 8 days have been. There are so many feelings going on in my stomach right now. Every time I think about this last week I cringe. From noticing something was wrong, to breaking up with my boyfriend, to deciding to go on a mission. What!? oh....awkward, I didn't tell you that part yet? Well the rumors are true!
I am your VERY typical Mormon girl. Ok I said it! I was talking to my friend yesterday and it dawned on me that I am "that Mormon girl" everyone talks about. I have steered clear of drugs and alcohol, I was the nerd who loved going to seminary and learning about the gospel, and I was the type to tell people what I believe and what I would not do. I never swore and I was never tempted to dress immodestly. And now look at me. I am continuing this by a mission. Didn't ever see myself that way until just yesterday. Ha!
After being known this way by others my ENTIRE life, I was going to change that and NOT go on a mission. I really had no desire to go ever. Then October 2012 came along and that is when it all started. The age change for missionaries was dropped and I had this strange feeling that I was going to go out. Ha! that is funny, because I still had no desire to go. Then my mom kept telling me she always knew I would go, again...funny! Although that feeling was still there. Experience three; I was reading Doctrine and Covenants section four verse three which says, "Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work." I quickly skipped over that verse pretending I didn't feel the prompting that I needed to go. Another came when boyfriend and I broke up. As he was sitting there talking to me I had this impression that it was time to go on my mission; I even joked about going for a second just to get a rise out of him. Jinxed myself. But because I am dense and selfish I paid no attention to it....well at least not THAT much attention to it. That Saturday my friend and I were walking out of the temple and I was telling her that I was looking forward to being able to go through the whole temple and not just stick with the 12 year-olds doing baptisms. I went on to say that I was hoping that it would be because I was getting married that I finally was able to go through. Then she turned to me and said, "Are you sure you aren't supposed to serve a mission?" I quickly told her "no," and that was the end of that conversation. Back at her apartment I sat waiting for the shower and it totally hit me. And when I say hit I mean hit! It literally felt like someone came and sat on my chest then said, "You need to go on a mission!" There was no ignoring this. So I called my parents and told them what happened. So now, I have a meeting with the bishop on Sunday to start my papers! Total insanity!
It took so much work on my Heavenly Father's part to make me realize what was happening. I think that one of the lessons I needed to learn from this whole week was that I need to listen to the promptings I am getting. In a blessing I asked for on Wednesday, it was mentioned that I was being prompted and that I needed to listen to these promptings. I had no idea what it was talking about at that point. I figured that the promptings would come later and that was that. As I sat waiting on Saturday I was reviewing my notes I took from that blessing and that is when I had that strong feeling. There was no denying it, those were the promptings and I had been ignoring them for 8 months. So because the Lord wants me to, I am going to go out and serve!
One of the biggest reasons I was ignoring these feelings was because I didn't (and still don't) feel qualified to go and preach the gospel. I don't feel like I know enough about our gospel to be going out and telling other people about it. I do better by leading by example. However, Brother and Sister Christofferson came to speak to my Young Single Adult stake last night and Sister Christofferson said something that kind of set my decision in stone. She said, "Believe in yourself and your capacity to do great things." I thought about that and realized, if the Lord wants me to go then He will help me do to whatever it is He needs done. I can do great things!
Those are the real reasons I am going. My friend asked me if I was sure it wasn't just because of the breakup and I told her, I felt like those feelings were completely separate from my feelings of these past events. Before, had I gone, I would have gone for the wrong reasons. Now instead of telling people I don't want to go I am ready to tell them that I am excited to get out there! I know I am going for the right reasons. I want to be out there serving my Heavenly Father and bringing his children to Him. I want them to feel the joy that there is in this gospel and I want them to have the comfort that I have.
The one thing I question now is whether or not I will be going back to school. I am thinking about putting my availability date sometime in August so I will most likely miss the next three semesters of school now too, which works for me! I will be out doing bigger and better things.
So stop judging me and start praying for me, that I can go out and bless the lives of others! :)
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