Astronaut

     Exactly 60 days from today I will be entering the MTC. That is so weird to me! I still can't believe I decided to serve a mission. Ha well I guess I didn't really decide to. Heavenly Father told me to so I am obeying after eight months of disobeying. Yikes. I wonder how things would have worked had I decided to start on my papers in October. Its all in the Lord's time so would things have taken awhile? It has been insane to look back on the last year and see how things have lead me to this point in my life. All of these little things that have happened have such a huge impact on it. Story time!
        I remember praying around January if I should take a job offer in Idaho or my current job as a nanny. I have ALWAYS hated fast food and I refused to work there, but I really needed a job so I applied at Chik-Fil-A. A couple days after I applied my now "boss" (they are more friends than bosses), called and asked if I wanted to work for them while I wasn't in school. Immediately I jumped on that opportunity. The only down fall was that it was in Utah and the last time I had been there I hadn't enjoyed it. Things weren't set in stone yet so I still went through the hiring process at CFA. Everything went really well and I was almost  100% positive I had the job there. At that point I had also been having interviews with a cell phone accessory company. That would have had me driving from Rexburg to Idaho Falls on a regular basis. I didn't have the money to be driving back and for like that when I needed to be saving up for school. At this point I decided that I needed to just pray about things. I didn't really want the CFA job but I would definitely take it if it meant I was employed and earning money. Then there was the cell phone place which actually would have been fun because I would have been working with a friend and other college kids. BUT I wanted the nanny job because lets face it, I love working with kids and that totally beats out fast food and cell phones!
      All of these jobs were up in the air and I was just waiting to hear back from each. I told Heavenly Father that I had no clue which one I wanted because of the different situations and I asked him to have the best one for me offer the job first. I had little faith that it would actually happen that way because I had heard you don't make deals with God. Either way, my current bosses called me one night (and by night I mean like 10 pm) and told me that if I wanted to I could come down and work for them. Obviously I accepted. The next morning CFA called and offered me the job there. I am so glad I was able to tell them I had another job now.
      Had I not moved down here to Utah I for sure would not be going on my mission, I would not have learned the lessons I needed to. I thought I would come down here, work for 3 months, have nothing happen, and then go back up to school the same person I was. I don't think I could have been more wrong!
     Instead I have been here for seven months, getting in car accidents, learning how to love, wakeboarding, and most importantly learning how to listen to the spirit. I took the spring sememster off, and now I am taking the next three or four off to go on my mission. So much has changed. I decided that I am not going to make any specific plans for my life anymore. Any time I do they end up completely different than what I expected.
     Life: just take it as it comes.
     As I was sitting here typing I just realized that I will be entering the MTC just a few days shy of the year mark of the age change. Sweet! It's already been a year! Can you believe that!? I am super jealous of the girls who report the 16th of October. They are the exact year mark. Anyway these are all random thoughts that are just coming to my mind.
      I keep wanting to talk about how I am feeling but every time I do something stops me. Not sure what it is but it is probably a good thing that it does.
      So it is the tenth of August. I should have been getting married today. Its strange to think about. I never thought I could have been able to get that close to someone. I always thought about situations that I would have as a married person and I would think "there is no way I could ever be that comfortable with someone." This time I was totally ready to marry him. Just weird. I wonder if he even knows or remembers that today was the day. Will he even realize what the date is? Oh well if he doesn't. That wouldn't surprise me at all...
       On a different note: I don't know what it is but lately (and by that I mean this week), I have really just been tired of taking care of everyone. I mean I love it and that is pretty much what I live for but I wish someone would just spontaneously do something for me instead of the other way around. I feel like I do a ton for people. Today it just kind of hit me though that I want to be driven around, and I want someone to cook for me, or clean up for me. I am tired of doing it all on my own.
      Someone commented and said "You're only what 19 and you are already tired of it?" I was thinking that too then I thought...Wrong! I am 20. Seriously though, I realized that I clean up after three young kids who eat, spill, play, and get sick. I have to be getting them ready for the day, keeping them entertained, feeding them, and making sure they aren't getting into trouble.
      I am also preparing for my mission so I am setting up Dr. appointments, dentist appointments, getting prescriptions, and boring grown up stuff, while trying to do everything with the kids and work around their schedules.
     Then I have my amazing friends who have been there for me and now need my support. So of course I am there for them and hoping that I am helping them feel better or just making sure things are good for them. Another one of my friends said that his biggest fear is not being able to help his friends. I share that same fear. It is terrible sitting and watching while people hurt or just need help doing something and you can't do anything to make it easier. Even then half of the time they aren't really asking me for anything but I am offering to do things for them to make their lives easier. Sometimes I really feel like I am more of a mother figure to people than I am a friend. My sister always made fun of me in high school and said the same thing. I was always the "mother" in our friendships. I guess that is just how I show people I love them. Is there a 6th Love Language that is "Caring for and being cared for"? That would probably go under service huh?
Hmm....this almost sounds like I am bragging about how good of a friend I am. I promise that is not the point of this at all and there are times when I am a terrible friend....but we don't need to get into that.
      Anyway, that is what is on my mind at 2:30 in the morning :)

Can anybody hear me?
Or am I talking to myself?
My mind is running empty
In the search for someone else
Who doesn't look right through me.
It's all just static in my head
Can anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?

'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
And I lost all signal when I lifted up
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot
Can I please come down? (come down)
'Cause I'm tired of drifting around and round (and round)
Can I please come down?

I'm deafened by the silence
Is it something that I've done?
I know that there are millions
I can't be the only one who's so disconnected
It's so different in my head.
Can anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?

'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
And I lost all signal when I lifted up
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot
Can I please come down? (come down)
'Cause I'm tired of drifting around and round (and round)
Can I please come down?

Now I lie awake and scream in a zero gravity
And it's starting to weigh down on me.
Let's abort this mission now
Can I please come down?

So tonight I'm calling all astronauts
All the lonely people that the world forgot
If you hear my voice come pick me up
Are you out there?
'Cause you're all I've got!

And tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
And I lost all signal when I lifted up
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot

'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
To the lonely people that the world forgot
Are you out there?
'Cause you're all I've got!

Can I please come down?
'Cause I'm tired of drifting round and round.
Can I please come down? [x3]

Um, this song is spot on! The past few days I have wanted to post the lyrics to the songs that I am feeling and this one was so right that I finally posted it. Its called Astronaut. Hence the name of this post. I am obsessed with it right now.