I really feel like ranting tonight.
First: The 10 keys to understanding Skeeter.
If I am....
1) Posting pictures of it, I had a blast at the event or loved whatever I took a picture of.
2) Posting/sharing quotes, they are usually relevant to what I am struggling with and I am trying to make myself feel better and remind myself that things are going to be ok.
3) Putting up song lyrics, you can guarantee that song has played at least 50 times that day and it most likely reflects how I am feeling.
4) Being really nice to you, I am trying really hard to mend our relationship that I most likely screwed up. This means I actually feel terrible about the way I treated you and I really want to make it up to you. Honestly.
5) Not answering your texts and don't talk to you much in person, I probably am ignoring you and you should leave me alone so I can cool down and miss you a little.
6) Not answering your texts and talking to you plenty in person, I am just busy and I read your text but forgot to reply.
7) Crossing my arms, I am probably not happy OR I am not comfortable in the situation I am in.
8) Acting competitive, there is probably something bothering me.
9) Running, there is 100% something irking me and I am trying to deal with it.
10) With my friends, I am happy :)
My Pet Peeves:
1) When people pretend to be friends with someone. If you don't like them, ignore them! Don't worry about what they are doing! Mind your own business.
2) People chewing with their mouths open.
3) When people lie to me.
4) Shaking the basket under my desk seat.
5) Don't turn on a movie unless you plan on watching it.
6) Be open-minded (I am just now realizing how annoying it is when people won't even give something a try. Especially when you know they will like it.)
There you go. Now you should analyze everything I do and see if you can notice these things!....right ha I wonder how many of you will even remember these things after 2 minutes. Actually I want to see what you guys think? For those of you who know me, is this accurate? Do you have anything you want to add?
So I feel like this week has been particularly hard for me. It started off great which should have been a warning sign that it would tank. But I found out that people have been talking about me. That would be ok if it was good stuff, but I guess I have been caring too much about what I look like and wearing immodest clothing. Oh if I could swear! It gets me so worked up. I guess I have been posting pictures of me in tank tops and that I am not dressing the way a future missionary should. Ok first off, I had one picture and I deleted that one for those of you who were not liking a little shoulder showing. Sorry didn't know that was offensive! Its not like I had cleavage showing. It was a flippin head shot...there was barely any shoulder in it! That was even before I decided to go on a mission.
Anyway then I went through my other pictures to see if that was still the case. There weren't any other pictures. However I realized there were a lot of boating pictures where I am in tank tops. Pause I know I just told you there weren't other ones. When I say I was in a tank top I was literally on the boat with a full one piece swim suit underneath and shorts on over the bottom half of my suit. Who is immodest? I would say that is even over dressed for swimming.
Besides that, I have garments that I am wearing 24/7 so I have to be covering those up, I can't even be wearing stuff like that anymore. After I started wearing garments I went through my clothes and guess who didn't have to toss a single thing. Yep! This girl! All of my stuff was modest enough for G's.
Wow can you tell this is getting me worked up!? I seriously can't believe someone would say that stuff about me. I thought I had done such a good job at not giving people a reason to talk about me poorly. There is a quote that says "Be the type of person that if someone said something bad about you no one would believe it." That was the goal being here again. I guess I fail.
As for caring what I look like. I'm sorry I like to shower and smell nice. Nobody likes a slob who doesn't take care of themselves. And do you want to know something? I learned how to care about my looks from all of you people. Yep, you Utahns. I learned here that it is important to look nice and wear decent clothes. Some people here are so judgmental! Here is a thought: maybe it's about what is going on in my own mind and not what you guys are thinking. Who cares if I am wearing make up or nice jeans? Maybe I just got bored and started doing my make up to entertain myself, which sadly happens a lot. Maybe I like the feeling of nice jeans over cheap ones? Maybe I really don't care what you all are thinking and I am just doing what I want. I am sorry I feel better about myself when I am wearing clothes that actually fit me.
I know I am far from perfect. Especially when it comes to missionary perfection. I feel like the second you decide to go on a mission people start looking at you and analyzing what you do. You have to be absolutely perfect or they start talking. They feel like they have the right to decide whether or not you are worthy or fit to go. There was a reason I never wanted to go.... I didn't ever think I was good enough to go on a mission. I feel totally inadequate and unprepared. I don't feel like your typical missionary girl, which nowadays isn't typical anymore because of all these girls going. Either way I am not your little miss perfect who does everything right the first time. So I am going to be making mistakes before the mission, on it, and afterward. I mess up plenty and you know what? So do you! It's fine! That is what we do! We are here to mess up and learn from it. So cool you can trash talk me. Now, go fix yourself.
Ok one last thing I wanted to discuss tonight. You have absolutely no clue what someone is going through. You have no room to judge them. I am realizing that when we start to judge we make these judgments based on what we know. The thing is, we don't see the whole picture. We don't know everything exactly that is going on. Our judgments are skewed. They are probably handling things better than you or I ever could have.We all deal with things differently. The best thing we can do is just be there for that person and show them that we love them. Charity-the pure love of Christ can heal so many wounds, yet we sit here and judge these people instead of reaching out to them. Major fail on our societies part. Next time you want to think negatively about someone think about what is going on in their lives. Remind yourself that you aren't perfect and neither are they.
"Don't judge me because I sin differently than you".
Whew! That was fun! I wish you could read this how I would be saying it. Especially on the sarcastic parts but whatever. These are the my thoughts at 2:00 am.
Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way
I finally put it all together,
But nothing really lasts forever
I had to make a choice that was not mine,
I had to say goodbye for the last time
I kept my whole life in suitcase,
Never really stayed in one place
Maybe that's the way it should be,You know I live my life like a gypsy(Call Me Shinedown)
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