https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/494199759089954902/
Just some parenting humor to start this blog post off. But really though, parenting is all guess
work. It is one of those things that no one can really tell you how to do.
People can give suggestions and hints, but no one knows your children like you
do and you can’t prepare to teach them the way they need it until you meet them
and figure it out. In my parenting class, we talked about a few good ways to
make sure we as parents are effective and loving.
This first thing is to ask the right
questions. We usually ask ourselves what to do when things go wrong. Instead we
should be asking ourselves “how do we help things go right?” This comes from
the “Parenting Pyramid” from the Arbinger Company. Asking the right question
can get our minds in the right place. When we expect things to go wrong, I feel
like it is a self-fulfilling prophesy. We see the bad so we get the bad. When
we have a preventative thought process we teach our children more effectively
and we can see more of the good that happens. I also feel that when we think
this way we can be prepared for different situations and know how we are going to
react already. When we know how we are going to react we can be more calm and
loving. On the flip side, if we are not prepared for situations we can overreact and make it
harder for the child and ourselves.
Another thing that is important is
how to discipline our children. I think that is a struggle for most, if not
all, parents. Many times parents act out of anger, give punishments that have
nothing to do with the offense, or wait too long to give the punishment. In the
book “The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting” it talks about a five step
process for punishing appropriately. The first thing to do is explain what the
offense was. Once the problem has been identified the parent needs to explain
the impact of what happened. Step three is to give alternatives of the wrong
behavior. After that the parent needs to state what the punishment is in a
clear statement, and once that is done the parent states what they expect of
their child next time. This makes perfect sense to me. Punishments are most
meaningful when they are related to the bad behavior and delivered within a
reasonable amount of time. It becomes meaningless if the child doesn’t see the
connection to the wrong act or if it is delivered too late. To me this makes
the most sense when it comes to punishing wrong behaviors. It gives the child a
reason why they are in trouble and helps them understand why it was wrong.
The third important parenting
principle is teaching your child when they are ready to learn. In a talk in the
LDS General Conference by Elder Bradley D. Foster “It’s
Never Too Early and It’s Never Too Late” he talks about an example of this.
Elder Foster was a bishop of a ward (group of LDS people) in Rexburg Idaho. He
was interviewing a boy to go into the temple. During his interview he was very
impressed by this boy named Pablo. Pablo told this bishop that while he was
growing up his father would take him aside each year and explain the troubles
that he might encounter, such as cheating, inappropriate jokes etc. His father
explained that things like that would happen and to come talk to his father
when they happened. The reason I bring this up because His father set an
example of love by helping his son prepare for the hard things of each year in
his life growing up. He taught his son when he was ready to learn and didn’t
just throw it all up on him when the father thought the time was good.
Sometimes we parents look like this…
http://www.growthweaver.com/dont-choke-avoiding-digital-word-vomit-brand/
It is possible to teach too much
too soon. We feel we are ready to teach the child when he or she is not prepared
to hear what we have to say. It is also possible to not give enough information
when the child is ready to learn. In a General Conference talk by Boyd K.
Packer he compares teaching children to feasting verse snacking. When we let
children snack before dinner their appetites are ruined and they miss out on
important nutrition that they need. When we have children asking questions it
is best to let the “feast” and teach the children while they are curious and
ready in stead of give them a short answer and dismiss their curiosity.
It is hard to know how to parent
our children and when to do what. With these tips we can better understand what
is best for our children and how we can help them learn and develop.
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