Conduct Companionship Inventory (FAML)

        "At the end of you weekly planning session, share with your companion appropriate goals and ask for his or her help to accomplish them....Discuss any challenges that may be keeping your companionship from working in unity or from being obedient. Resolve conflicts." As a missionary you read these words from Preach My Gospel (the handbook that missionaries use) every single week for 78-104 weeks depending on if you are a sister missionary or an elder.  After we plan our week out (which we do once a week) there is a time set aside for the missionaries to discuss the good and bad of the companionship. And in case you haven't noticed the two guys on bikes in suits, those two are called a companionship. They will be together for a minimum of 6 weeks and many times 12. They are not allowed to leave each other unless in the shower or bathroom. So as you can imagine that is a lot of one person. It can get irritating after awhile because the missionaries don't choose who they are going to be with. During this time that is set apart it is the perfect for talking about anything that is bothering the missionaries so that they can work together better. It creates a loving atmosphere (hopefully) to discuss things that are usually pretty sensitive, When it was that time of the week for my companions and I, I knew what was coming and it helped me to be less defensive about things when my companion had any problems. I knew that if I kept a cool head it would be a lot easier to accept things and it created a better way to talk things through and get to a resolution.
     I am sure you are thinking "that is great and all but I don't really care about what the missionaries do." Here is where I am going with this. In my marriage class this week we talked about how to resolve or live with conflicts. As I read I thought about my experiences on the mission and how as I followed the suggestions in Preach My Gospel my companion and I got a long so much better. With each companion there were things that bothered me that I couldn't change but I learned to live with it because we could talk and figure out a way to compromise.
     In Gottman's book he talked about how most marital conflicts are on going and probably won't go away. But he also said that it doesn't mean when couples have those problems that they can't have a happy marriage. It is all about how they go about discussing it with each other. There are some dos and don'ts to bringing this kind of stuff up. The first key is to make sure that we don't start these conversations already heated and in a rude way. Do you remember when I talked about flooding? Flooding is when someone is overwhelmed in their mind or physically. It makes it really hard to think rationally and it could cause some damage to a marriage. As we softly bring up the matter our spouse will be more likely to want to listen to what we have to say instead of stonewalling and tuning us out. Both of you will be able to think more openly and be able to resolve things more effectively. We also need to acknowledge that we share some responsibility in the matter. That is probably the hardest part for most of us.
     We also need to show our spouse that we notice the things that they do right and that we appreciate it. If they feel like all we are doing is noticing what they are doing wrong they are going to have a hard time wanting to listen.
   And something that we need to remember is that when we get worked up so do our spouses and for husbands it is harder for them to relax and calm down after they get worked up. If it gets too heated take a break, walk away until you are both calm enough to talk about things and can work toward something.
       Being a missionary really helped me to be prepared for marriage and how to handle problems. It taught me basically these same principles and gave me a year and a half worth of practice before hand. These things do and will help. It is our job to make sure that we keep things cool.