"Anything You Say Dear" (FAML)

      This week was a good one for readings in this class. The chapter we read was about letting our spouse influence us. Did you know that if you (and by that I mostly mean you husbands) don't let your spouse influence you there is an 81% chance that your marriage will end in divorce? Now before you get mad at me and say I am sexist and don't think that women need to do that as well, let me explain. In the book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" Gottman states that most of the time it is the husband who doesn't let his wife influence him. First I should probably explain a couple things. When I refer to influence I mean he doesn't let her make decisions with him, and he doesn't give her a say in many things. Guys, and by guys I mean everyone, this is actually really dangerous to your marriage. Second I should say that when we let our spouse influence us it is a way to show respect. Gottman talked about a man who even when his wife disagrees with him he doesn't go and make the decision without her. He says "I wouldn't think about making a decision she disagreed with. That would be very disrespectful. We talk and talk about it till we both agree, and then I make the decision." As Gottman would say, this is a very emotionally intelligent husband. Letting our spouses influence us can strengthen our marriages and strengthen the trust that we have.
    There was one point after my mission that I was talking to my boyfriend (who is now my husband) and he told me that there was a dirt bike that he really wanted to buy. He told me that it was super cheap and that he had enough money from his tax return to pay for it. He then went on to say that if I didn't want him to buy it he could also put it into his savings account for later. I loved this. Not only was he asking me to help him make a fairly big decision at that point (he was planning on us getting married and knew we could use the money for other things), but he was giving me options and asking for my opinion on it all. He wanted to see what I thought and he based his decision off of my answers. Now at that point I am pretty sure I told him that he could make the decision and choose what he wanted but that I thought it would be better to put it into savings. I didn't force him to do anything but because of our conversation he decided to put the money into savings instead.
     That helped me to trust him more because I could see that he wanted to know my side. He was interested in the things that I had to say. I definitely know that this is an important thing to practice as a married couple. I can see the difference that it makes and I am so glad I have such a wonderful husband who encourages me to help him.