Hehe!

        So Yesterday at church I was feeling brave. After moving here I have been really trying to be outgoing and talk to more people. And they aren't going to just come up to me and start the conversations. So I volunteered to participate in our FHE tonight. They didn't tell me for what until after they had gotten my name haha. I am now a contestant for a dual ward dating game along with another really cute girl. If nothing else I really just want to make friends from this experience. I need more of a social life and I think the singles ward is the only place I am going to find it for now.
        Tonight I will be interviewing three guys-I think-and based on their answers I will chose which one I want to go on a date with. After I chose we will get a gift certificate somewhere so that should be fun if it works out. I am just hoping I don't get stuck with some weirdo. The thing that will make this most interesting though is that I won't be able to chose which questions I ask. The audience will be the ones who come up with the questions and then I will read them off. That is actually good though because we all know that I am not creative enough to come up with funny/interesting/good questions.
        Tonight isn't the only good thing that is happening this week though! I am so stoked for these next few days that I couldn't sleep last night. Tuesday will be my only day where  I have nothing going on except for the dire need to hit up the gym. Wednesday I get to go to the Jazz game and watch my sister perform in the halftime show! Thursday I will be headed up to Idaho again, for a few hours, and then bright and early Friday morning we head off to California to let my brother say goodbye to our extended family before he is off on his mission.
         Well, here goes to a night of fun and making new friends, and an eventful week! Wish me luck and safety! :)

V-Day

        Well the dreaded day is here. Happy Valentines day! I am actually excited for today. I have three super cute dates! I decided that since I was single that I would do something for my girls to make it fun for them, which would make it fun for me too. So I heart attacked the kitchen with pink/purple/white hearts  and for an after school snack we are having a soda floats (pink sprite and ice cream. There were supposed to be licorice straws but none of my girls liked that so we omitted that part) and valentines sugar cookies. And for dinner its more sweets (I don't think nanna is thrilled about that hehe). I am making pink pancakes and bacon roses with pink milk. I decorated while they were at school so I am excited to see how they react. I know they will love the food part but I am hoping that the decorations will be fun for them too. I also painted cute pink hearts on the two younger girls faces which they loved! (Pictures to come after everything is done.)
       Other than that I will be sitting here eating the chocolate rose that I bought myself and hoping that next year won't be so single....

After school snack

hearts for V-Day

Her friend brought her fairies! So cute!

Yum!

Waiting patiently for dinner

Heart Pancakes

Roses and Hearts who knew they could be so yummy?

A Talk!?

      Not even an hour after I was welcomed into the ward the 2nd counselor in the bishopric came up and asked if I would give a talk. What!? That's fine though. To be honest I am kind of excited. I haven't given a talk in years. I think I was in YWs last time I gave one....back then my talk only had to be two or three minutes. Now it has to be ten. Although I taught a Sunday School lesson this last semester and put together an hour long lesson, so I should be able to do ten minutes. I wish however that I could just have someone else write the talk for me. I feel so inadequate and like I can't teach anything to all of these older people. I am afraid that I might teach false doctrine....and now there is a fresh convert in the ward and that adds to the pressure to make sure what I say is true. I am kind of wanting to just put a lot of scripture and quotes in my talk but I have a hard time expanding on them, so its almost pointless. I guess I will just have to pray as I prepare and hope that the spirit will guide me to say what I need to say....guess I better go finish it while the kids are asleep and at school. Wish me luck!

Friends?

     I have been meaning to change the name of my blog lately since I was getting tired of the other one...not to mention there was another blog that had the same name so it was hard to get to mine with the URLs being so similar. I have also been trying to get my old nickname back and it has definitely caught on in my new home. There are two of us Madison's here and it was already confusing on the first day. We started out as one of us was Madison and the other was Madi and that was still too confusing. So I decided to see if I could get my freshman basketball nickname of Skeeter going again. Yes that is a water bug. When I was out on the court one of my teammate's dads decided that I looked like a skeeter bug because I was quick on the court and had long legs. So as I would play I would occasionally here "Go Skeeter!" I liked having a different nickname that was not derived from my real name or something that I had come up with. So now I am resurrecting it and hoping it will catch on. Its weird getting used to being called something else though. It caught on a lot faster than I thought it would so I have still been trying to get used to it.
     I also think this name works better because this blog is basically my journal these days and really has very little to do with what is happening in college. Not to mention I don't think I am going to post any more english stuff.
     It is so late right now but I can't get myself to go to bed. I don't have church until 2 pm tomorrow so I have don't have to wake up to an alarm. So I got on here and have been messing around with things and thought might as well put something down tonight.
    Today was one of those days, where the smallest things can kind of erk (sp?) you. By the end of the day I really needed to get out of the house and around people who are closer to my age. I decided to head to the gym. It was only 7 so I figured there would still be plenty of people there. Psych! It was flippin closed! What gym closes that early!? So that was a total let down. Working out and running is my favorite way to relieve my pent up stress. I considered going for a run outside, but it was dark and slushy outside so I decided against it and regretted it an hour or so later. I can't wait until its dry outside so I can go pound it out on the pavement. Remind me next time to go to the gym earlier!
      Tell me, how do you make new friends? I have no clue how to do this and I am DYING here not having anyone to call up and go hang out with. I need a social life and I am not finding it. Say you are in a room with loads of people but you don't know a single one of them. How do you go about making new friends? I feel like just going up and saying "hi" would be so awkward and would not allow for a decent conversation. Not to mention there really isn't anywhere to go with that. At least not like finding something in common and going off of that. But how can you do that if you don't know anyone or if you even have anything in common with them, other than the fact that you are in the same room together? These are just a couple of the thoughts that are on my mind. Think it over and let me know. I need to learn how to make friends again....Over and Out.

They Call Me Skeeter

     I slept last night! I was in bed by ten and asleep before 10:30. That is a record for me as of late. The past few weeks I have had the most difficult time sleeping. I feel like the second my heard hits the pillow my brain tells my heart to start racing and it decides that it needs to think about everything I have been stressing about, things I am anxious for, and anything that needs to get done the next day. And the worst part it decides to ponder on the people that I hurt lately. I hate seeing people hurt, or just knowing that they are hurting....it ends up hurting me too.
     I always say that I can't be mean to people. I guess that is a lie, because when I need to end something I end up being really mean (well at least I think I am) and then I completely regret it after. The thing is its ended and it needed to be ended so I can't just go up to the person, call them, or even text them to let know that I feel horrible. That would start things right up again and eventually put me in the same place I was when I tried to end it. So I end up laying in bed wondering if they are ok, and wanting to do something to help them feel better. Then I start to question what would happen if I ran into them or if I were to try talking to them. I try not to ponder that thought too long, because that just makes it more painful. So as I am laying in bed I am going through all of these emotions of sadness, gratitude, sadness, independence,....what's the word I am looking for? I have this sense of what I did was best for me and the other person and that it was the right move on my part, and then lastly did I mention sadness? Well put that on the list.
      I never remember the part where my brain finally decides to shut down and let me sleep, but it is usually around 2 or 3. So getting sleep last night is a huge! I am so excited that it happened. I crawled into bed and literally started counting sheep the second my head it the pillow. I laughed to myself at the thought that I could fall asleep before I hit 1,000 however I fell asleep around 900 is my guess. I stopped at 700 and focused on my breathing and before I knew it, I was asleep! As I was counting I realized that I could think of other things, but it wouldn't allowing me to really focus on what I was thinking about so I was able to block out the negative experiences I have been having and I was able to sleep. I really hope that I can keep doing that and eventually get back into my routine of falling asleep a minute after I am in bed. Guess we will see how it goes tonight.
       And to those I have hurt, I seriously doubt you are reading this, however I really am sorry and I feel so bad for what happened. Hopefully in the future things can get straightened out.
      Until then, buenos noches.

Honey I'm hoooommmee!!!

     Well, here I made it! I feel like every time there is a big(ish) goodbye to my family it ends up not even happening. I end up being just dropped off and not seeing them for awhile. That can be a good and bad thing. It saves me the embarrassment of crying in front of my parents and other people, but at the same time I don't really get to say goodbye. What if something happens? Will they know that I love them? I would hope so. This weekend was one of those bigger goodbyes and I didn't really get to say goodbye. My sister had a cheer competition which they had to leave the place we were staying at 6:30 in the AM and of course I would still be fast asleep- no way would I be up that early. So my mom promised me that we would go out to my favorite place for lunch on their way out and say goodbye then. However my brother got his mission call the day before and they were also in a huge rush to get home and see where he was going. I got a call from my mom around 10:30 saying that they were on their way out, it was too early for lunch, and that dad wanted to get home. So she said, "we will just see you in a few months!" Well that was depressing. I didn't get my favorite food AND I didn't get to say goodbye. For some odd reason when I leave my parents for a long period of time I melt a little bit inside and wish I could be with them right after they leave. I have always been the one who is ready to leave and be on my own but when it comes to saying goodbye I realize what I am leaving and almost wish I could just be home in my own bed. I was terrified that this would happen to me, and it did a little bit. However after getting to my new home I was made part of the family instantly which has really helped.
     So far things down here have been fantastic. First day here I went out is shorts and it felt fantastic! It was about 40 degrees and beautiful outside. If it weren't for the ten foot mounds of snow on the sidewalks I would have thought it was spring already! We spent that whole first day shopping, which was fine with me! Then yesterday I spent my first day in the singles ward. I am surprised as many people (men more specifically) showed up seeing as how it was Superbowl Sunday. But it was a good Sunday. I sat and learned in every class and enjoyed being around people my own age again. I just hope that this time around I am able to make more friends and go to the activities more often (I was really bad about that last year). Well I have to get back to being acting mom. Time to get the kids from school. Sorry I don't have anything super exciting to read about, just my random thoughts and experiences.