West Coast Bound!

       So I haven't written about it yet, but I finally got my call! Its weird to think that I have my call and am just waiting to leave now! It is so surreal!  I got my call on Friday the 12th of July morning but I had to wait until that Sunday to open it. My parents were out of town and I wanted them to be there for it! So I had everyone come over to the house I work at and there we sat and waited for literally an hour for my parents to get there. They really almost missed it! Everyone was getting antsy and needed to get out of there and be places. However I was blessed to have them all there still in the end. So I had about 30 people there in person and I had my whole family on skype. It was an awesome experience.
       I definitely expected more tears but I am grateful that I didn't have more tears. That would have been embarrassing to have make up running down my face as I read this letter. So here is the moment we have all been waiting for....I am going to the California Ventura Mission and I will be speaking English. I report the the Provo MTC in October. I couldn't be more excited!  I am still laughing at it though. I grew up in northern California so I figured that was the last place I would go. I also lived in Utah and Idaho so I figured this would be my one chance to get away from the west coast and see something different. Nope. Not quite. I am as West Coast as you can get! I am definitely not complaining though. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to serve my Heavenly Father. And if he says that is where I will work the best then I am so excited to see what he has in store for me! Everyone says that when you get out there you realize why you are out there through experiences you have. I can't wait to see why that is where I was needed! I haven't ever been to Ventura though and I have heard it is beautiful. So I am stoked to get out there and start preaching! This is going to be an incredible experience!

Watching the Mail Man

     "Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya! Tomorrow! You're only a day away!" I get to open my call tomorrow!
      So as it turns out my call didn't come on Thursday. That was a total bummer. However, yesterday I was falling asleep on the recliner and my friend texted me at 9:45 saying "Its here!!!" I can't tell you how quickly I woke up from that. I couldn't have calmed down even if I had swallowed a whole bottle of melatonin pills. I was SO excited to check my mail! But mine wasn't supposed to show up until closer to 11.
      From the living room I couldn't see the mailbox so I brought the girls into their room to play with their toys and so I could watch out the window for when the mail lady came. Finally around 10:30 she showed up. I anxiously sat and waited for her to leave. She wasn't even at the end of my street before I came bounding out the door toward the mailbox. I am sure it was entertaining for anyone who was watching. I peeked in the mailbox praying I wouldn't be let down. Low and behold it was in there!!! I really could not control myself at that point. I sprinted back into the house saying "It's here! It's Here! It's here!!!!"
      I immediately called my parents. They had been here Thursday in hopes that it would come. When it didn't they left straight for California. Figures it would come right after they leave. I am not complaining though, opening it on Sunday is sooner than having to wait until next Wednesday or Thursday.
      I am so weird, now that it is here, it isn't as hard as I thought it would be to not rip it open. I really want all of my friends and family to experience it with me so it is easy to think of that and not touch the curious white packet. I had to hide it though because looking at it makes me too excited (the phrase "out of sight out of mind" does not apply in this situation in the slightest). Anyway, I planned on opening my call on Thursday, but it turned out that hardly any of my friends or family could even make it to watch me open it. I was worried it would just be me and my parents opening it. As fun as that sounds I want lots of people to be there! I don't know why but I do. So when it wasn't coming I was almost glad because if I was able to reschedule then more people could come! But I was getting anxious as well because it makes it really hard to plan something when you are waiting on the mail. When it didn't come on Thursday I wasn't worried about telling people it didn't come but I was worried about not being able to plan when I was going to open it. I wanted to give people enough notice so they could keep their schedules open.
        When it finally came I was more relieved that now I could plan something decent. So Sunday I am opening it. I just have to get through today and church tomorrow. Easy enough right? So close, yet so far! I need something to do tonight so I don't think about it and so time can go faster!

Last One in Line

     Holy Cow! It is Thursday! Do you know what that means? I Sure do! All I can think of is the mail. I feel like that dog on UP....instead of saying "Squirrel" I am saying "MAIL!" I am DYING!!!!!!!!! In case you couldn't guess, hopefully today will be the day that my mission call comes! I might cry if it doesn't. I REALLY don't want to wait until next week. Dang it...I just realized something. I need to learn patience. That means it is going to come next week....haha There are two other girls in the ward who might be getting theirs as well. There are a lot of us who are going which has been really neat. I thought I would be doing this alone which would have been fine, but it has been fun experiencing the excitement with other girls.
     I got a text from one of them asking if I felt like I was in line for a ride at Lagoon (A local amusement park for those of you who don't know). I replied by telling her that I felt like I was the last one in line for my all time favorite ride and that it might close before I got to go on it. That is the type of anxious I feel. I want things to speed up so I can get on that ride and at the same time I have the pre-ride nerves. The ones you get because you have forgotten the adrenaline rush so its scary thinking about the huge drops. Lets put that is mission call terms. I want the day to speed up so I can find out where the heck I am going and when I am leaving! But I am also nervous to find out where I am going, and what kinds of struggles I will have. Will I be learning a language!? Is it going to be third world and a place where I won't have electricity? Am I going to be eating chicken feet and guinea pig? Or am I going to be eating loads of uncooked fish with wasabi? SO many different places! There are 405 missions and I am going to one of them. Too many options and ways things could turn out.
     I would absolutely LOVE to go to Ireland or Scotland! The work would be hard but wow, it would be a dream come true to go there!! I would also thoroughly enjoy going to any church history site. Can you imagine how much power those lessons would have? I am going to be happy no matter where I go. I know the Lord is going to put me where I will be able to do His work to my best ability and he will help me with any shortcomings. But I have been joking with people saying, "As long as I have to get on a plane to get where I am going I will be perfectly content." The further the more crazy the adventure!
     Well anyway, those are my thoughts and feelings as I await my call. And I can't lie, if I see it in the mail I might actually scream. And I don't mean squeal. I mean full on, top of my lungs scream! And boy will it feel good!

Light Bulb!

       I figured it out! Why all of this...stuff has been bothering me! So background information. My biggest fear in life is being forgotten, pathetic I know. I don't know why it is, but the thought of a friend forgetting me kills me. And now that I think about it it seems weird, but its the truth. My thought is that it just might mean that they didn't care for me the way I did them. And if you know me at all I give 100% of myself to my friends and family. They are the most important things to me. So when someone I love (friendship wise) can just walk away and not think about me again, that hurts. Is this starting to make sense at all? He is forgetting me when I am right there! And I just sit there watching while he forgets. Makes sense now. Just had to say that.

Blah, Blah, Blah, Feelings, Feelings, Feelings.

      It's midnight right now. I should be asleep. Today is just one of those days. I am so sick of thinking about him. Is it possible that I could just think about something else for five minutes!? Who cares what the heck he is thinking, or doing, or saying!? Who cares if you had a fun memory with him!? That is LONG gone and unimportant! He is nothing to you now, "just somebody that you used to know." I am sick of feeling like I have to constantly prove to him and more importantly to myself that I really am a catch. I am someone. For some dumb reason lately I have really been doubting that. Why? Because that confidence that you always see in me isn't real. I have been faking it until I make it from day one. Day one of what? I don't know, just day one. I think 100% of the time faking it until I have made it has totally worked. I pretend like everything is great and eventually it is! But for confidence it has just never done it.        
       One day I was with a friend and she told me that there is a difference in self-confidence, self-image, and self-worth. Self-image is how you see yourself, self-confidence is what others see, and self-worth is what the Lord sees. I guess with that I have a lot of self-confidence with that definition, but my self-image is not exactly where it should be. Never has been. I think too much, and that TOTALLY gets to me. Wouldn't it just be great to be able to shut off the brain every once in a while?
      I am so SICK of it all!  I want my care-free, silly, friendship back. I am tired of him ignoring me and pretending like I just don't exist now. I am tired of watching him flirt with all my friends while I just have to stand there and take it.  If you are going to do that, at least acknowledge the fact that I am standing right there! I am tired of him inviting my friends places while I sit at home doing nothing. Or him inviting me just because he invited my friends and feels obligated to because I over heard it. I don't understand what is so hard about just being friends! Why can't he do that? He is the one who ended it!  I guess I am confused. When he left he said he wanted to be best friends still. I can do that. But don't best friends at least talk every once in a while? I thought best friend hung out and invited each other places. Guess not.
        So today I did the millenium, which is a mile on a track but instead of running the straights you go up and down the stadium stairs. Then I went from there to go play basketball for a few hours. But right now I am at the point where I REALLY just want to go on my four mile run. If it weren't dark I would be gone by now. But it IS dark, so unless I find someone to go with I am stuck at home. I am racking my brain to think of someone or some way that I can get out and run. I am dying inside. I NEED to get out and run! I have a feeling that even though my legs are jello and I am actually tired, if I went out it would be a dang good run. I could probably go forever, just me and my thoughts.
       This is so stupid. I guess I am that girl I was making fun of. Figures. "What isn't a part of us doesn't disturb us." I always think that I am totally over it, and I like to believe that I am. I don't have feelings for him anymore, but there are moments where I miss something. Whether it is him or the companionship I am not 100% sure. I like to think it is the companionship. I hate being alone; I have always been like that, but since I have gone from having someone who was always with me to having nothing, it has intensified. I can't even cry about it. I really don't want to either. Even IF I wanted to, my body just won't let me. I have tried. So it gets bottled up with the rest of everything. One day I will explode but until then, "I am wearing a smile that I don't believe in. Inside I feel like screaming!"     

Rule number 33

I wrote this a year ago for my English class. I just found it on my computer and thought it was pretty funny. I definitely had the most fun writing this particular essay. It's better though when you know the guy like I did and can hear everything he says and his tone of voice as you read it.....but here it is:

 "Rule Number 33: Don't Chase!"

            “Squiggly line in my eye. Why are you there in my eye? Only…when I try to see you; you run away.” Michael states in the thoughtful poetic voice. “Write that down…could you read that back to me? Read that back to me Madison.” Secretly he is reveling in the attention is he getting. “This is so much work! I could be not chasing girls right now!” he mocks.

Relaxing on the apartment recliner in the corner, the strawberry blonde began to reminisce on his past experiences like he is in a shrink’s office. There is a “15 items or less” lamp from Broulim’s carefully propped up against the wall to his left, looking as if it will topple over at any second on to the resting man.

At 23 years old Michael has had his share of experiences with women. Because of this, he has a set of rules to save him from getting hurt and pursuing a girl who has no interest in him. One of his major rules is that he does not chase women. At first, girls might say this sounds like a foolish idea. There are “too many girls in the world to become a tool and chase.” He states. His friend Jonathan who also applies this rule defines a tool as: “Not a jerk. Knowingly letting her use you, with hopes of getting some action.” “That is a tool!” agrees Michael. To these boys this makes perfect sense.

After coming home from a mission in Ireland, Michael started to notice the games girls play. He was not into that at all. During late night “pillow talks” with his friends Brent and Jonathan, Michael started to become agitated with how women worked. “Here is the difference between guys and girls,” Jonathan states, “with girls it’s a head game. Guys are willing to do whatever it takes to get some action.” This meaning that guys aren’t totally fixed on how the girl feels about them. They aren’t going to test the girl.  After some discussion, the three men decided to make this new rule. Don’t chase. It saves a lot of trouble, money, and pain.

 Michael sees chasing as trying to make things work with a girl when she has no desire to be with him or when he has to work hard to get the girl. The problem with this is, many girls like being chased. It makes them feel wanted. If they don’t text a guy and he answers back with another text that obviously means he wants her right? Wrong. “You are going to base our relationship off of a second text?” Michael questions. His tone suggests that that is a bad move on the girls’ part.  “Why would she test me to see if I like her? Isn’t me liking her enough?” He cannot understand how women could have such low esteem that they have to play games with their men to make sure he likes them. “If she doesn’t ever text you back, that is just being rude.” Says Jonathan.

“I will give a girl so many chances to respond to my…interestedness?” Michael says dragging out the “my” while thinking to himself how to better word that. To make sure he is not chasing he has a sort of boundary for himself.  He has decided that if he texts a girl and she does not answer back within a certain amount of time then that is it. He will “drop her like it’s hot.” His friend Brent who also follows this rule, backs him up saying, “Here in Rexburg, girls always have a phone on them. You can almost guarantee it, so if she does not answer then it is on purpose.”

Like with all rules, there are always exceptions. Michael swears that there are none to his rules; however there have been times where he will bend the rule. “Every time I do though, it comes back and kicks me.” One exception was with a girl he called “Katniss.” –he likes to give nicknames to everyone he knows. Katniss is a girl from his music class that he had been sitting by and talking to. After getting to know each other better they finally exchanged numbers. As a normal person would, he decided to put the number to good use. So that weekend Michael texted her and asked if she would like to go to the movies. After three hours of her not answering back, he was considering dropping her. “If she doesn’t answer back by tonight I am done with her.” Literally five minutes later and to his relief she answered back.  After hanging out a few times Michael became interested in her, but unfortunately for him she decided to not answer his texts. This was a big mistake on her part. “That’s it. I am dropping her.” His closest roommate Corbin thought this was a bad idea. “I see…” He pauses for a second then continues, “the logic… and I can agree with it to a point, but to the point he takes it I disagree.”   So he talked Michael into texting her again, “a couple of times actually,” realizes Michael. In the end however, at least “when he dropped her later, it was for a more founded reason.” Corbin explains. He decided that she was not worth the effort and she was not making it any easier.

No chasing also entails that if he asks a girl to hang out and she says she is busy then he will ask about going a different day. If she just so happens to be busy again then it is done. She is obviously not interested and is just making up excuses.

When asked about his latest girlfriend he says with a laugh, “No! Not at all!” referring to how hard she made him work. “I met her at a dance workshop. We went back to my apartment and watched a movie. We were cuddling like the first night!”

To Michael so far this rule has worked out well. “I have gone on quite a few dates…I go on a date at least every weekend. I have loads of girls that come over and hang out. But I guess you can say it has failed because I don’t have a steady girlfriend. But it is all just how you look at it.”

Corbin has this to say, “no..?” questioning how he really thinks it has worked out. “Because he doesn’t give people enough of a chance, but the other part is that I don’t know if you can make that kind of a judgment because a lot of the people haven’t worked out for a legitimate reasons, one being they are waiting for a missionary and won’t give another guy a chance; up here in Rexburg that’s like 98% of the girls. The other 2% you have to find.”

Michael does not see his rule as holding him back and making him miss out on the ladies. “If I really, really wanted to I could play their game and get them. Then we could do this on agreeable terms, but the initial front puts me off.” With this, Jonathan agrees saying, “Obviously you miss out on some action, but you’re not missing out on anything good.”

He especially does not like it when they make him chase on the first date. To him a first date is strictly to get to know the girl. “Super non-threatening. I am not going to make any advances. You should feel super safe.  This is a first date. The whole point is to get to know me, and you are going to make me chase!?” He states as he points harshly to nothing across the room. The chair rocks from the force of his pointing. “There should be no reason to chase. I don’t know if they are cool or not. I am trying to get to know them.”

The ideal situation for him would be if he called a girl and asks if she wanted to go out. If she cannot, then her next best move would be to set up another day that would work for her. It is best when they make it clear that it doesn’t work, but it can. The biggest thing to Michael is that “they make it easy to hang out or date. There is a difference between chasing and waiting.” When he asks them to hang out and they say, “oh another time” that is when he knows what is going on. In that case he says, “yeah definitely!” He then whispers in a quick muttered voice to nobody on the side “there’s not another time!”

As more things happen with girls Michael makes more rules to help him survive the dating life. He finishes with, “you make a rule out of the experience. It’s like a girl survival guide.”

Moving On

      So...thank you everyone for being patient with me and letting me post all about the junk that is going on in my life. It has been really good for me to put all of my thoughts out there. I forgot my journal at home when I went back for General Conference so I turned to this. The thing I didn't realize about doing this was that I would be able to more fully understand the things that are going on and be more able to learn from everything. Had I not typed it all out I would have exploded by now. There was WAY too much going on in my head to make sense of it all. Putting it out on my blog has helped me to organize my thoughts and evaluate things. It has even helped me notice little things that I would have totally passed over had I not written it down.
       Real quick here, my friend from the ward was talking to me and out of nowhere said, "So I know they call you skeeter, but why!?" I am sure I have explained it on here before but really lets be real about this, how many people have actually gone ALL the way down to the beginning of the name "They Call Me Skeeter." So here is the story again:
        Freshman Year of high school I played basketball. I was still tall and lanky. So do you know those water skeeters? The ones that have long legs, so skinny you can't see them and who can disappear in a split second because they are just that fast? Well my teammate's dad decided that was me on the court. According to him I was lightning quick. and my legs were like those of a skeeter bug (keep in mind I was somewhat decent at the game back then). So that is how it came about. I like it because it is nowhere near my real name and that it has meaning behind it.
       I need to explain the lyrics below as well. Basically those are my favorite songs right now and for some weird reason, the entire time I was hurting over losing that guy, these all reminded me of him but it never hurt to listen to them. Speaking of that. He and my "best friend" already ended. I can't lie that was a good day for me when they did. Not because I was wanting them to get hurt or because I was mad. My initial thought when I found out was "Yes! I can have my friends back!"Is that bad that I am thinking that way? My mom thinks I am psycho for handling this the way I have. She is definitely much more upset than I am about the whole thing. But there was this quote that I found a long time ago by one of the apostles, and it says, "Without forgiveness old wounds never heal." I have always been pretty good at forgiving others, however when I read that quote the first time I decided that I was going to see if that was true and live by it. This is the first time it should have been hard for me to live by, but it was actually easy. It was a lot better and easier on me to forgive them right away and let it go. Had I let it fester inside of me, I would still be a wreck. Why would I waste my time being sad/angry over something when I can choose to be happy and forget about it now? So that basically sums up why I have been so nice to them from the start of all this. I can't tell you how correct that quote is. I know for a fact that it is true and I am so glad I found it way back when.
      Although there is still a small part of me that hurts I can say now that I am almost 100% healed! I am moving on quickly here. Thanks to this incredible gospel I have and the great friends who have been there to support me through it all. I definitely could not have done it without those two factors in my life. I cannot express the gratitude that I have toward my Heavenly Father right now.  Good thing I will be able to show Him shortly!
      I feel like there was something else I wanted to add to this but I can't really remember what it was. Anyway, shifting gears here:
      Guys, I am going on a mission! This is still so weird to me. And I can't lie, there was a point where I started my papers and sat there wondering if I was really going to go through with this. I still really didn't want to go but I decided that I would keep filling out the papers and just see how I felt later. That night I totally had a break down. I just started thinking too much and how I really didn't want to go still and that could be an issue. If I am not driven now what will happen once I am out? So I really started praying and fasting again. Nothing came and hit me as strong as that one after the temple. But lately there have just been little things that have kind of shown me what revelation is. I got a letter from one of my missionary friends on Thursday and in it he talked about how he was proud of me for listening to the spirit and that after a while your agency comes into play and the spirit leaves. I am almost 100% positive that this is what happened. I had multiple promptings to go but I chose not to listen and then the spirit left. After that big prompting, I am sure the spirit left once I started to question my choice to go out.
        There have been little things throughout this past couple of weeks that have kind of confirmed that fact that what I have been feeling since October were in fact promptings. A friend told me that you learn on your mission that any thought is a prompting until proven otherwise. I thought about the past few months and how all of my promptings have been random thoughts in the back of my head.
       A few days ago I was putting my make up on and out of nowhere I got this thought that I should text my friend and just let her know I loved her. I almost didn't but then I thought back to what my friend had said. There was that spirit to help me recall earlier things. So I texted her real quick and a few minutes later she answered saying that she couldn't explain how much she needed that text. I hope you know I am not just telling this experience so you guys can see how great I am. No. I write about all of these experiences because I am hoping that as people read this they can learn from what I am going through and that they will be able to notice these promptings in their lives as well. Receiving inspiration and promptings from the Lord can be so confusing. There are so many different ways to get this inspiration. That is part of what took me SO long to realize I needed to go on a mission. Was I reading too much into my own thoughts? Now I have a better understanding of how the Holy Ghost works and how I personally receive inspiration from the Lord.
        Anyway, after my break down I decided that I would at least set up my doctors and dentist appointments in case I decided to go. That way it would be done and over with when I was ready to submit my papers. I am so glad I did that. I just have one more appointment and then I can turn in my papers! I am so excited and nervous!! I have started reading Preach My Gospel, going to mission prep, and temple prep. It is the strangest thing for me. I feel so out of place in those classes, but I know I need to keep going so I can be as prepared as possible to go out and serve. Whew! Still trying process this all! I can't wait to get my call and find out where I am going! Anyway, those have been my random thoughts for the day...

Mariana's Trench Good To You
Everyone's around, no words are coming nowAnd I can't find my breath, can we just say the rest with no sound?And I know this isn't enough, I still don't measure upAnd I'm not prepared; sorry is never there when you need it
And I do want you know I'll hold you up above everyoneAnd I do want you know I think that you'd be good to meAnd I'd be so good to youI would
I thought I saw a sign somewhere between the linesMaybe it's me, maybe I only see what I wantBut I still have your letterjust got caught between someone I just invented,Who I am really am and who I've become
And I do want you know I'll hold you up above everyoneAnd I do want you know I think you'd be good to meAnd I'd be so good to you
I can't be without youI would
And I do want you know I'll hold you up above everyoneAnd I do want you know I think you'd be good to meAnd I'd be so good to you
I'd be good to you, I'd be good to youI'd be good to you, I'd be so good to youI'd be good to you, I'd be good to youI'd be good to you, I'd be so good to you
Justin Timberlake Mirrors
Aren't you somethin' to admire, cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallell on the other side

Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Aren't you somethin', an original, cause it doesn't seem merely assembled
And I can't help but stare cause I see truth somewhere in your eyes
I can't ever change without you, you reflect me, I love that about you
And if I could, I would look at us all the time

Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Yesterday is history
Tomorrow's a mystery
I can see you lookin' back at me
Keep your eyes on me
Baby, keep your eyes on me

Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
Mayday Parade Miserable at Best

Katie, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
Of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but i want it so

Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

You're all that I hoped I'd find
In every single way
And everything I could give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay

Because I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
But I need it

So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

Ladada ladada ladadaoh ohhh

And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
It's been three whole days since I've had sleep
Because I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly

So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you
But without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you
Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best