1, 2 Buckle My Shoe, 3, 4 Teach Me To Parent More

https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/494199759089954902/

Just some parenting humor to start this blog post off.  But really though, parenting is all guess work. It is one of those things that no one can really tell you how to do. People can give suggestions and hints, but no one knows your children like you do and you can’t prepare to teach them the way they need it until you meet them and figure it out. In my parenting class, we talked about a few good ways to make sure we as parents are effective and loving.

This first thing is to ask the right questions. We usually ask ourselves what to do when things go wrong. Instead we should be asking ourselves “how do we help things go right?” This comes from the “Parenting Pyramid” from the Arbinger Company. Asking the right question can get our minds in the right place. When we expect things to go wrong, I feel like it is a self-fulfilling prophesy. We see the bad so we get the bad. When we have a preventative thought process we teach our children more effectively and we can see more of the good that happens. I also feel that when we think this way we can be prepared for different situations and know how we are going to react already. When we know how we are going to react we can be more calm and loving. On the flip side, if we are not prepared for situations we can overreact and make it harder for the child and ourselves.

Another thing that is important is how to discipline our children. I think that is a struggle for most, if not all, parents. Many times parents act out of anger, give punishments that have nothing to do with the offense, or wait too long to give the punishment. In the book “The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting” it talks about a five step process for punishing appropriately. The first thing to do is explain what the offense was. Once the problem has been identified the parent needs to explain the impact of what happened. Step three is to give alternatives of the wrong behavior. After that the parent needs to state what the punishment is in a clear statement, and once that is done the parent states what they expect of their child next time. This makes perfect sense to me. Punishments are most meaningful when they are related to the bad behavior and delivered within a reasonable amount of time. It becomes meaningless if the child doesn’t see the connection to the wrong act or if it is delivered too late. To me this makes the most sense when it comes to punishing wrong behaviors. It gives the child a reason why they are in trouble and helps them understand why it was wrong.

The third important parenting principle is teaching your child when they are ready to learn. In a talk in the LDS General Conference by Elder Bradley D. Foster “It’s Never Too Early and It’s Never Too Late” he talks about an example of this. Elder Foster was a bishop of a ward (group of LDS people) in Rexburg Idaho. He was interviewing a boy to go into the temple. During his interview he was very impressed by this boy named Pablo. Pablo told this bishop that while he was growing up his father would take him aside each year and explain the troubles that he might encounter, such as cheating, inappropriate jokes etc. His father explained that things like that would happen and to come talk to his father when they happened. The reason I bring this up because His father set an example of love by helping his son prepare for the hard things of each year in his life growing up. He taught his son when he was ready to learn and didn’t just throw it all up on him when the father thought the time was good.

Sometimes we parents look like this…

http://www.growthweaver.com/dont-choke-avoiding-digital-word-vomit-brand/

It is possible to teach too much too soon. We feel we are ready to teach the child when he or she is not prepared to hear what we have to say. It is also possible to not give enough information when the child is ready to learn. In a General Conference talk by Boyd K. Packer he compares teaching children to feasting verse snacking. When we let children snack before dinner their appetites are ruined and they miss out on important nutrition that they need. When we have children asking questions it is best to let the “feast” and teach the children while they are curious and ready in stead of give them a short answer and dismiss their curiosity.

It is hard to know how to parent our children and when to do what. With these tips we can better understand what is best for our children and how we can help them learn and develop.

           

I Have Seen God

Have you ever seen God? I have. More on that in a little bit.

 I was reading in 3 John this week and I came across an interesting scripture. Verse 11 says, "Beloved (John speaking to Gaius), follow not that which is evil, but that which is good. He that doeth good is of God: but he that doeth evil hath not seen God."

As I was thinking about that verse I realized that while I can't see God in person, I can see His work and evidence that He is always with me helping me out.

 This semester I have been writing down small, or big, miracles that happen each day. I have a giant white board sitting in my living room with each day's miracle written on it. I have it in my living room so that each day I can see it and be reminded of how much Heavenly Father helps me out. There have been some days where it has been harder to see what God has done for me, but there has not been a single day that I could not find something that He did. These things that I write down are things that could not have happened unless He was in the details. These are things like my husband getting a job that only had one position open and multiple people applying for the job, or seeing one of the people I taught on my mission get re-baptized after a 25 year hiatus from the church. These things are only possible because Heavenly Father loves me, and all of us. He does so much for us each day. 

I was having a hard time seeing Him in my life. That is why I chose to do this project. As I have been working on it, I have realized that while life is hard, God is still helping me out. He can't make life easy, because that would take away from our entire purpose on earth. However, He can help make it more enjoyable and help us to see the good in each day. 

This isn't something that we just notice though. We need to take the time to sit, ponder, and focus on what He is helping us with. We also need to recognize that everything we have is because of Him. 

So, I have seen God every day recently. Have you?

Thou Shalt Not Covet

This week we read in Hebrews chapters 8-13. There were a couple of verses that I really like in this book. The first was in chapter 12:6-7 & 11-12. This whole chapter was about being chastened and how it is for our benefit. I love this reminder because we all hate being corrected. It is rare that we are corrected in a way that helps us feel good about ourselves but also changes how we act. As I thought about that, I wished I could parent that way. I would love to be able to correct my children while still making them feel good about themselves and want to do better. 
The other scripture that I liked in this section were in Chapter 13:5. This scripture talks about how we should not covet what we don't have. It tells us that we need to be happy with what we have been given. The verse goes on to say, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." I thought that was an odd combination for that verse. First it is saying to enjoy what we have and then it says that He will not leave us. As I thought about that I wondered if it meant that if we have the full restored gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives that is all we need and the rest is just an added bonus. When we are faithful to the Savior and our Heavenly Father, we will have everything that we need to reach Heaven and live with God again. Why do we worry about having so many worldly things when in reality none of that brings us closer to God? When we can finally realize that what we have can and will make us happier than anything else, then we can be free. Free from hating others for what they have, free from jealousy, and free from bad thoughts. These are all things that bring us down and make us miserable. Let's focus on what we have been given. We have bodies that enable us to become perfect one day, we have the love of an older brother who will always be there for us no matter what, and we have the promise that we will live with God again if we follow His commandments. What could be better than that?
-Skeeter 

The Enabling Power

In this post I am going to be talking about Romans chapters 1-8. So when I just reference a chapter and verse you know what book we are in.
After reading these chapters I was trying to decide what I wanted to focus on from them. After some thinking and studying I realized that grace and the Atonement (Christ's sacrifice) was a big part of the entire eight chapters. Because of His sacrifice we can literally do anything that we set our minds to. I have said this a million times, but if it is important to you it is important to Him. That is how much He loves us.
Chapter 5 starts out strong with talking about how through faith we can be at peace with God. Can you imagine being at peace with God? Or what that would even mean? Many who believe that there is a judgment after this life tend to fear how they will measure up. Are they going to Heaven? Will they be cast down to Hell unwillingly? In the gospel according to Madi, being at peace with God means that you can stand before Him at the judgment day and be confident that you are going to be able to live with Him again in heaven. In this verse we are taught that if we are faithful to Christ we can do that. How relieving would that be? The verse continues on to say that this is possible because of what Jesus Christ did for us.
As I kept reading the verses just kept getting better. In verse two it goes on to say that through our faith in Jesus Christ we have access to His grace.
Grace can mean a few different things when talked about in conjunction with the Atonement, or Christ's suffering. In a talk that was given by David A Bednar, he mentioned that grace is the enabling power. So if we reword that verse it says, "By whom also we have access by faith into this [enabling power] wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God." Christ literally enables us to become anything we want to be. He gives us strength, He helps our weaknesses, He guides us to the path that will get us where we need to go and SO many more things. And all it takes is believing that Christ will help us.
The interesting thing is that faith is an action word. Yes we need to feel it, but when we have faith in Christ we follow Him and do as He has commanded us. That isn't always easy, but He knows our hearts. I love that we don't need to sit around and mope about what we have done wrong. We can ask for forgiveness from Christ, and anybody that our mistake may have hurt, and then move forward. Christ promised us that if we forgive others He will forgive us. We can trust that promise because of our faith in Him. When we apply the Atonement and repent we can move on from our mistakes. We can be at peace with God again, and grow closer to Him. That is one of the biggest blessings of the sacrifice of our brother.
There is so much that the Atonement can do for us. When we use our faith the Savior will show us just how powerful His sacrifice was. Show Him your gratitude for what He did by turning to Him.

One last thing before I finish up. In chapter 8:16 it says, "the spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God."  We are God's literal children and He wants us back home. So does our older brother Jesus Christ. Use the faith that you have and let them show you the way home.
Skeeter

Confidence Boost

Hey it's me again! This week I was reading in 1 Corinthians 12 when I had a thought. The majority of us base our self worth  on our image, talents, and the amount of friends who follow us on social media. How does that work out for us? It doesn't. We all have terrible hair days, lose followers as time goes on, and possibly stop having time for our talents. We all put ourselves through this in one way or another. I am sure most of us hate it too. I would love to be happy with my big feet and 10 followers that I have on stalkbook. But satan comes in and makes us think that what we are and what we have isn't good enough.
Wouldn't it be amazing if we could see all of the things that make us great that don't include how we dress or who "liked" our last post on instagram? I wish we could see ourselves the way others do-especially the way the Savior does. Obviously there was something special enough about each of us that He decided it was worth it to die for you. You specifically made Him decide that suffering was worth it if it meant you got to live with Him again. That is how badly He wanted to make sure we lived with Him again. What a nice brother!
We all know he doesn't care what we look like or how popular we are. So what made us so great? All of our many talents that go beyond instruments and sports, that's what.. In 1 Corinthians 12:8-10 it talks about spiritual gifts. These gifts are things that not only bless our lives but the lives of those around us. Some of us are knowledgeable, others have wisdom (the application of that knowledge), others faith. Some have the gift of knowing what is right and wrong. There are many more and each one of us has at least some of these.
When you are having a rough day, look in the scriptures in this chapter and in Doctrine and Covenants 46:12-26 (Here is the Link to the second set of scriptures for those who don't have access to the Doctrine and Covenants). Sit down and read both of these chapters. I know you will be able to see some of the most important things about yourself that make you lovable.
Also, the great thing about these gifts is that we CAN have them all! If there is one we want, but don't have, work on it! Heavenly Father will give it to you if you want it.
These are the things that will make us truly happy in this life. I promise you that.
Skeeter

Its Been Awhile

Back at it again for a class. This round of entries will be things that I learned from my New Testament class I am taking this semester. I would love comments and feedback from anyone who reads.

This week I read in Acts chapters 9-16. The chapter and verse I want to focus on is Acts 14:8-10. Paul was out working and he found a man who could not use his legs. Because Paul saw that the man had faith to be healed he told him to stand and walk.

How many times do we think we need something and then ask God for the help to receive it? In the bible dictionary it talks about how prayer is part of the effort it takes to see miracles. Prayer is us showing Heavenly Father that we have faith that He will help us. That faith is the key to seeing miracles, great and small, in our lives. Without faith we can't receive much help from our Father in Heaven.
One thing that stood out to me was in verse 11. It said that the people saw the miracle that was done and started to say "The gods are come down to us in the likeness of men." Two thoughts: 1) We have prophets and apostles that lead us, the same way the people of the New Testament did. That is not a coincidence. We can have the faith that these men work for Christ everyday. 2) We can be an answer to someone else's prayer. If we follow those small thoughts to text someone and let them know they are loved, or that thought to make sure Mrs. Johnson down the street is doing ok, we can literally answer prayers and strengthen our faith as well as others.

We can be seeing miracles every day if we put forth the effort and have faith.

So some things to think about:
How do I strengthen my faith?
What do I need to change in my life to show God I want His help?
Why am I not seeing miracles every day?
What do I need right now in my life?

This post is kind of all over the place, but I hope that it gets you thinking about how you can grow your faith and become a better follower of Christ.

Skeeter

Normal Food!!

Hey guys!
Again I forgot to send an email on Sunday. I remembered while I was in sacrament that I needed to do that but by the time we got back from church I had forgotten. Maybe next week haha

Anyway this week has been pretty good! Again we still haven't taught a full class yet. We have had a few 20 minute classes to practice but that is it. There are about 40 kids in each class so it gets crazy! On top of all the noise those  kids make the whole school is inside and the classrooms have windows open so you can hear all of the other kids and how loud they are.it gets hard to hear sometimes. But its fun! The kids are so stinking cute! And they are all very smart. The tricky part is keeping all of them entertained.

We also found a really yummy restaurant which is so exciting for me. We have limited places to eat so the fact that we found one that we like so much is good! By the way...a lot of the food here smells and tastes like dirt a lot of times.  When Jamie and I smell it or taste it we just say it tastes like China and we know exactly what it is.
At church on Sunday we had a potluck and the members made a lot of American food. I can't tell you how happy I was to be eating a home made meal again. I have missed that.
Ok it sounds like I'm not liking the food so much. I actually really do but my tongue misses dinner at home.
Anyway! I don't know if I have explained how church works out here. The nationals can't be in the same ward as us so we go to a tiny branch in a neighboring city with other foreigners. Most of the branch is Americans who ate here for work. So it was fun for us to see white people again.
So to really celebrate our anniversary we went to the zoo inshanghai on Monday. That place is huge! We got there about 10 in the morning and e didn't leave until 4:45. The only animal we went and saw twice was the panda. It took us the entire day to see all of the animals there. We were so exhausted when we got home. But it was totally worth it!
Anyway that is about it for this week. Hope you guys have a good one!

Skeeter

Gibberish

Hey guys!
I woke up this morning and realized that I never sent an email on Sunday. Oops!
     Life here has been pretty good! I don't think anything too exciting has happened. We thought we were going to start teaching on the first, but it turns out that the school we are working with wantes us to do some training and a promotional thing first. So Thursday and Friday we practiced a lesson that we had to do on Saturday for the promo class. We went to a different city on Saturday and we each taught a class with about 20 kids in it. The nerve racking part was that the parents were sitting there watching the whole thing. And based off of what we did they would decide if they wanted to join this school or not. Why they decided to have the newbies do that I have no idea.
     At first we did not like that idea. Mostly because we still had no clue what was going on. But the teaching was so fun! The kids are so cute! They get so excited to see a white person but then get so shy when you acknowledge them.
  Side note:    When we are walking down the street we will see kids gasping and pointing at us so we make a point to wave and say hi. Some of the kids love it! Others end up hiding behind their moms legs. Its fun to see their different reactions.

Anyway, yesterday we were finally taken to the school we would actually be teaching at. We were brought around to about 10 different kindergarten classes and told to introduce ourselves. The kids thought we were hilarious. Imagine being 3,4, and 5 years old and seeing a chinese person for the first time. Then they start to speak to you in chinese. It would sound like gibberish. That is how it was for them and the gibberish had them cracking up. They would laugh the most when they heard my name. Some of them had a hard time not falling off their chairs they were laughing so hard! We loved it. I wish I would have gotten it on camera.

Well thats about the gist of it this week! Have a great week!

Skeeter

Beijing

Hey everyone!
This week has been an exciting one! It started off with the summer palace which was beautiful! It starts with a ton of typical, but beautiful, Chinese looking buildings and you have to climb a lot of stairs to get to them. The picture I posted on Instagram with Jamie and I doing our Asian poses is at the opening of the summer palace. Anyway, behind all of that are massive grounds that go on forever. Then behind that is a giant lake that you can walk around and go on a boat ride across. I am going to try to send pictures with this email. Who knows if it will actually work...
The day after the summer palace we went to tienanman square which is where students started a protest and one guy had a tank drive right up to him and he didn't flinch.  One of their most famous chairmen (kind of like our president) is also enbalmed there and on display but we didn't see him. We also went to the forbidden city that day which is where the ancient emperors would live. So it was forbidden to the commoners. That place was again massive. We spent 3 hours there and didn't even see it all. But we saw some of the emperor's thrones and sleeping quarters and some other really random things from his wife and concubines. One of the weirdest things we saw there was a big clay type sculpture with Buddha in it. It was made by the son of the empress and it was used to hold a piece of his mom's hair after she died. That's it. He spent tons of money on something that would hold nasty old hair.
After that adventure was done we went to a park next to the forbidden city that looked over the entire thing. It was a really cool sight!
The day after all of that we went to the great wall. That place is so green! Lucky for us that day wasn't half as humid as the other days. Jamie and I decided to take the ski lift up to where the great wall is which gave us 15 extra minutes on the wall because we didn't have to hike up. Score! We tried taking some pictures to imitate the beginning scene of Mulan when the huns show up on the great wall and the soldier tells the leader that all of China knew he was there. Do you know which scene in talking about? Anyway it didn't work out very well. Thebes we took tobogans down the mountain when we were done  (they were just like the Alpine slide).
  Oh! We also went to a crazy actobatics show! It was so fun! They put 7 people on motorcycles and then put them in a spherical cage one by one and they drove around in there. It was so intense!
       Ok one last big thing we did. We went to this place called the exotic food district. Can you all guess where I am going with this? This place was so gross and fun at the same time. When you walk in it its a little alley so tons of people are trying to get into this Itty bitty space. The first thing you see when you get there is a shop with buckets of scorpions on sticks. They have some that are alive but most are fried and dead. Jamie started off strong and ate a fried scorpion. He says it wasn't too terrible but not his favorite. Then we both tried balute. Do you know what that is? Its a chick that is mostly grown but still in the egg. So nasty!! It has feathers and everything. I did not like it. Then we tried choudoufu (pronounced cho doe foo). Or in other words stinky tofu. Guys that stuff is rancid! You know that smell when you step in fresh dog poop? That's what choudoufu smells AND tastes like. It was so disgusting! We continued to walk down this crowded and tiny alley where we saw all kinds of things like snake, french fries, tarantula, and all kinds of scary stuff. Then I saw a girl walking around with cotton candy. If you know me at all you know that is one of my favorites. So we found the stand that they were selling them at and there was a guy there smoking right over the machine! Needless to say, I didn't get any cotton candy. It finally started getting late so we decided to head back but Jamie wanted to try one more thing before we left. Can you guys guess what it was?

That's right. The LIVE scorpion. So he went to that first stand bought a stick (comes with three scorpion on it) and ate not just one but TWO live scorpion! He's crazy and so cool for that! I have video proof as well for anyone who wants to see that when we get home.
So there you go. Sorry it is so long! We are heading to our cities, where we are teaching, tomorrow morning which is really exciting. I can't wait to start!
Hope you are all having fun now that everyone is back in school.
It's been an adventure so far and the real food that we eat is actually pretty good! So this are going well so far.
Miss you all! 

Skeeter

The In-Laws (FAML)

   This week for our reading we talked about financial things and the in-laws. Lets be honest here, many of us know what we are supposed to be doing when it comes to money (the trick is applying what we know) so I will focus more on the in-laws.
     Did you know that it is proper for the girl to ask her soon-to-be in-laws permission to marry their son? I had no clue, and I probably wouldn't have been brave enough to actually do that when it came down to it. Its moments like this when I am so grateful I am a girl.
   The most part of what I remember from the reading was about cleaving to our spouses and not to our parents. There is a verse in the bible that says "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife." A lot of times there are problems in marriages because the wife and her mother have too close of a relationship. Its ok to be close to our parents but we wives need to make sure that we are not giving our moms every detail of our married lives. It seems small and harmless, but Its actually really interesting what kind of damage that can do to a marriage.
    A friend once told me, and I think I have told you this before, "keep your marriage in your marriage." She said, there will be times when he bugs you. You get over it because you love him. When you tell your mom or dad the things that are wrong with him and how it bugs you, they won't forget it. The sad thing is that I can definitely see this being true. My friends have come to me and told me things about their boyfriend or husband and I have a lot harder of a time trying to let it go and see this guy the same way. We want our parents to see our spouse in a good light always.
     The other important thing to remember is that when we do talk to our parents or ask for advice, they are not the first people we should turn to. We are supposed to talk things out with our spouse and try to figure things out that way. If together that still doesn't work, then if you both feel ok about it you can talk to the parents and get their input.
    I think the main purpose of this reading was to teach us to love our parents still but to make sure that we are turning to our spouse first in all things.

Receiving Answers (FDREL)

What Holy Ghost Does:                                                 What Disciples need to do to have Holy Ghost:
1) Comforts                                                                        1) Bear Witness of the Truth
2) teaches                                                                           2) Keep His commandments
3) Helps you remember                                                     3) Be worthy
4) Gives Heavenly Peace                                                  4) Love the Lord
5) Testifies
6) Reprove the world of sin
7) Guide in all truth
8) Gives testimony of the Savior
9) Purifies us



How did the Holy Ghost Help the Apostles after Christ's death and Resurrection?
      The Holy Ghost was the one who taught the apostles after the Savior left the earth. He helped them remember the teachers of Jesus and helped them to convey His gospel with power and authority. The Holy Ghost touched other's hearts so they could know that what the apostles were saying was true. He was the reason the apostles could be in different places and still teaching and testifying of the same things.

     The Holy Ghost has been an amazing help since I have been baptized. For those of you who are not members of the LDS we believe that when we are baptized we are blessed with the gift of the Holy Ghost, which means we can always have Him to help us and have Him by our side as we are worthy. Before baptism we believe that He can still touch us and help us but he cannot be with us constantly until after we are baptized.
     It has been 14 years almost to the day since I have been baptized. So there are 14 years of experiences that have really shaped who I am, because I have the gift of the Holy Ghost. One experience that stands out to me is when I was nannying and I was asking what to do next with my life. It was a strange question for me to ask because I knew I needed to go back to school and continue my education. But for some reason I asked what was next. I went to the Salt Lake City LDS temple to worship and receive answers. I didn't feel like I was getting any answers while I was there.
     Afterward I came home and sat down on my couch. It was quite in the room and I had time to sit and think. After just a few moments I had a very strong feeling that I needed to serve a mission for my church. So I called my church leaders and sent in my application. After just three months, I was in California serving the people of Ventura. I loved it all and I know that I needed those experiences. It was because of the Holy Ghost that I went. I would have never thought to go on my own. But my life has been changed because of it.

Gimme Gimme Gimme! (FAML)

      All growing up my friends had many more toys and expensive things than I did, like the ipod nano or a “razor” cell phone. I always wanted what they had. Even then though, I always noticed a difference in how those friends treated their friends and family. They were not respectful and always had to have things their way. Those were the friends who I never wanted to hang out with outside of school because they were not fun to play with. They were selfish and rude more often than not.

    “As Dr. John Rosemond counseled: “Give your children regular, daily doses of Vitamin N. This vital nutrient consists simply of the most character-building two-letter word in the English language––‘'No’ . . . Unfortunately, many, if not most, of today’s children suffer from Vitamin N deficiency”

  This quote sums those kids up perfectly. They were very deficient in “vitamin N”.  Even in Elementary school I could see the difference in how they acted. That doesn’t mean I stopped asking for things or didn’t complain a little when I didn’t get something I wanted. It did however help me to see the reasoning behind everything my parents did. I saw that it wasn’t just because they wanted to be mean to me. They wanted me to be the kind of person that others would enjoy being around.

    I love how Dr. Richard B. Miller says in a healthy family “there is a clear heirarchy between parents and children.” Our kids can be our friends, but they are first our children and our responsibility. We are supposed to raise them and teach them what is right and wrong. We can’t do that if we are just a friend who gives them whatever they want when they want it.

    I am grateful for my parents not giving me everything I want. It has really helped shape who I am. I can go without now. I know the difference between what I want and what I need. It saves me money, time, and energy. I think that is something everyone should learn before they are out and living in the world without their parents around. It makes a big difference.

"Happy Wife, Happy Life" (FAML)

 This week in class we are focusing on intimacy in our marriages. This quote is what stood out to me. 

       "When it comes to sexuality, some wives become very concerned about their “rights,” often speaking of their “right” to say no and yes. But marriage is also a relationship of responsibility and opportunity. In marriage, both partners have the opportunity to give. I believe few wives realize the power they have to help keep their husbands near them physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. On the other hand, I also believe few wives sense the degree of frustration and alienation husbands feel when a wife ignores his needs and interests. I believe a wise and loving Heavenly Father has given a wife the ability to achieve oneness with her husband"

                         Brent A. Barlow

     The most interesting part is where Barlow talks about the impact we women have in keeping our men close to us. I was reminded of when Gottman did a study on married couples and how most of the time the wife is the one who is likely to show contempt and to criticize. Can you see the connection?     

   When the women set time aside to welcome their husband home from work, to talk to them about their crazy day and its stresses the husband is going to feel loved and wanted because his wife is giving him positive attention. She is showing him that every part of him is important to her. When Husband comes home and the wife starts nagging him about not doing enough or being gone too much he isn't going to feel like she missed him very much or like she wants him around. This is going to push him away. He could even potentially start looking for positive attention in other ways. 

    In marriage, intimacy grows when we are able to feel loved by our spouse. We grow together when we are able to enjoy each other's company or when we can joke together. It helps us to be confident in that love that we share. 

      I was talking to my mom last night about family she said the wife is who sets the tone for the family. She is the one who is home with the children and doing most of the housework while husband is at work. If the wife is cranky all of the time or does end up criticizing or showing contempt to her husband (or even vise versa) how can the couple trust each other to be intimate? I know it would be hard for me if I was not totally confident that my husband loved and adored me. 

     

Scripture Power! (FDREL)

                                     Destruction of temple                                           The second coming of Christ




Events to occur                Apostles Hated                                             False Christ's  
                                         Apostles killed                                             Signs and Wonders
                                         False Prophets                                              Rumors of wars
                                         Love will wax cold                                      




Promises to                    Won't be deceived                                           There will be no fear
the Righteous                 Will love neighbors                                         Won't be deceived





To give hope: Those who are prepared and are trying their best have no reason to fear. Those who need to fear of those who follow Satan. It is his kingdom that is going to be destroyed.




Ok, There is my religion work for this week. We talked a lot about the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. My favorite part was in verse 43 of Matthew 24. It says "But know this, that if the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up." Doing things early is not my strong point. As I read this verse I realized that Heavenly Father built in a plan for those of us who procrastinate. He wasn't going to let us know when the Savior would come again. That way we would always be preparing instead of wasting time and trying to fix everything at the last minute. Think about it, even without the knowledge of when Christ is coming we still tend to put things off, like reading our scriptures or forgiving others. We tell ourselves that we will do it tomorrow. But when does that actually happen? Not as often as we would like. Not knowing should kick us into gear and get us worrying about not being prepared enough. That really put things into perspective for me. Thank you scripture power!  

Discover Dreams? Check! (FAML)

        I feel like in this week's reading there wasn't as much new stuff as there usually is. It talked about getting ourselves out of gridlocked problems. Those are the perpetual problems in marriage that you can't really solve, you just have to live with. And when I say that I am sure you feel kind of stuck and you are probably thinking something along the lines of "Isn't that what marriage books are for, to help me get OUT of all the problems?" Funny how sometimes books tell us what we already know. Really though there are problems that just don't ever seem to get solved. That is okay! They don't have to be solved in order to have a good marriage.
     In this book though, Gottman teaches us ways to get passed the annoyance and anger that comes with these unsolved problems. He tells us that when we have these problems most of the time it is because dreams are not being realized. This makes a huge difference. When we can understand that the arguments we seem to be having all of the time are because someone's dreams aren't being met it helps us see things in a different light. Instead of the problem being super annoying and aggravating all of a sudden we see a need that we can help our spouse with.
      The other day my husband and I were talking about the most ridiculous thing.He had been teasing me and  He wanted me to admit things and there was no way that was going to happen. I thought it was silly and totally unnecessary. However he saw it as a trust thing. If I couldn't be totally open and honest about even the small silly things how am I going to be able to talk about the hard stuff? After a little bit things started to get annoying. I saw no purpose in having that conversation.
      I don't know if I realized until after what I was doing, but instead of stonewalling him (which I probably would have done) I decided to ask him why this was all so important to him. We ended up being able to have a good conversation which helped me to better understand where he was coming from. We thought of different things from his past and other reasons as to why this would affect him so much.  Afterward I went back to reading this book and I realized that we had been having the conversation that Gottman teaches us to have. #RelationshipGoalAccomplished! Now lets see if we can keep that going.

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger (FDREL)

    Time to get churched! This week while I was reading I came across John 12:27. It says: "Now is my soul troubled; and what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour: but for this cause came I unto this hour." I don't know what was so powerful about this verse but I really like it. It helps me to see that 1) even the Savior didn't want to go through the trials that were planned for Him. And 2) Our trials are given to us for a purpose. We were supposed to come down to earth and be tried. It was in the plans for us to struggle. How can we ask God to take away our trials when they have to happen for us to grow? There are so many times that I wish I didn't have to go through hard times, but after reading this I can't ask for them to go away. Instead I need to ask what I should do to become stronger. I should ask for my abilities to match my trial. I know the Savior will give us the strength that we need. He is there for us. We have to have tough times, but as we ask for that extra help and strength we will receive it and be able to come out even stronger and better.

     I also want to talk a little bit about the widow who gave all that she had. This story is in Mark 12. A widow who is poor gave two mites into a treasury. Many who were wealthy put much more than this in. However this women's contribution meant much more. She had put in all that she had left of her money.This shows her dedication to the Lord and that she trusted Him. She loved Him enough to give all that she had to Him.I don't know about you, but that would be so hard for me. It is hard enough to pay one tenth of the money I earn let alone give it all to the Savior. I guess that means that I need to strengthen my faith, so that if that was ever necessary I could give to the Lord with no complaints.

Conduct Companionship Inventory (FAML)

        "At the end of you weekly planning session, share with your companion appropriate goals and ask for his or her help to accomplish them....Discuss any challenges that may be keeping your companionship from working in unity or from being obedient. Resolve conflicts." As a missionary you read these words from Preach My Gospel (the handbook that missionaries use) every single week for 78-104 weeks depending on if you are a sister missionary or an elder.  After we plan our week out (which we do once a week) there is a time set aside for the missionaries to discuss the good and bad of the companionship. And in case you haven't noticed the two guys on bikes in suits, those two are called a companionship. They will be together for a minimum of 6 weeks and many times 12. They are not allowed to leave each other unless in the shower or bathroom. So as you can imagine that is a lot of one person. It can get irritating after awhile because the missionaries don't choose who they are going to be with. During this time that is set apart it is the perfect for talking about anything that is bothering the missionaries so that they can work together better. It creates a loving atmosphere (hopefully) to discuss things that are usually pretty sensitive, When it was that time of the week for my companions and I, I knew what was coming and it helped me to be less defensive about things when my companion had any problems. I knew that if I kept a cool head it would be a lot easier to accept things and it created a better way to talk things through and get to a resolution.
     I am sure you are thinking "that is great and all but I don't really care about what the missionaries do." Here is where I am going with this. In my marriage class this week we talked about how to resolve or live with conflicts. As I read I thought about my experiences on the mission and how as I followed the suggestions in Preach My Gospel my companion and I got a long so much better. With each companion there were things that bothered me that I couldn't change but I learned to live with it because we could talk and figure out a way to compromise.
     In Gottman's book he talked about how most marital conflicts are on going and probably won't go away. But he also said that it doesn't mean when couples have those problems that they can't have a happy marriage. It is all about how they go about discussing it with each other. There are some dos and don'ts to bringing this kind of stuff up. The first key is to make sure that we don't start these conversations already heated and in a rude way. Do you remember when I talked about flooding? Flooding is when someone is overwhelmed in their mind or physically. It makes it really hard to think rationally and it could cause some damage to a marriage. As we softly bring up the matter our spouse will be more likely to want to listen to what we have to say instead of stonewalling and tuning us out. Both of you will be able to think more openly and be able to resolve things more effectively. We also need to acknowledge that we share some responsibility in the matter. That is probably the hardest part for most of us.
     We also need to show our spouse that we notice the things that they do right and that we appreciate it. If they feel like all we are doing is noticing what they are doing wrong they are going to have a hard time wanting to listen.
   And something that we need to remember is that when we get worked up so do our spouses and for husbands it is harder for them to relax and calm down after they get worked up. If it gets too heated take a break, walk away until you are both calm enough to talk about things and can work toward something.
       Being a missionary really helped me to be prepared for marriage and how to handle problems. It taught me basically these same principles and gave me a year and a half worth of practice before hand. These things do and will help. It is our job to make sure that we keep things cool.

Thanks? (FDREL)

     In light of the thanksgiving spirit, I decided to focus on one of the parables we read in class this week. Can you guess which one it is?....If you guessed the one were Jesus heals the 10 lepers you are right! This is one of my favorites. And for those of you who have no idea what this parable is about here is a brief summary: Jesus heals 10 lepers of their disease and tells them to go and show the priests what has happened. As they all run off one of them stops and decides to go thank the Savior for what He has done. So there you go that is the jist (sp?). But now I want to get into a couple of things...1) in one of the verses the after the man comes back to thank Him it says " Were there not ten cleansed? But where are the nine?.....and He said unto him, Arise, go they way; thy faith hath made thee whole." Alright what are you thoughts on this? To me it almost sounds like because that one was thankful and faithful he stayed clean, but because the others didn't thank him they got the disease back. Is that what you see in those verses? I really want to talk to someone who was there or is the prophet and ask them if those 9 got their disease back. Not that it really matters because the lesson is still well taught in this parable.
    We need to be thankful for EVERYTHING we have and we need to show GRATITUDE for it all. I think that is one thing that is hard for our society. We are too prideful sometimes and assume that whatever we gain is because we are so great. That is sad. Who gave us those talents and abilities? Who helps us strengthen them? And who can take them away? There is one simple answer. Heavenly Father. I don't know about you but I don't see my name or anyone else typed there. We do not do it on our own. If we are ungrateful for the talents he has given us and do not use them He has warned that He can and will take them away from us. He has given them to us to further the gospel. If we are going to ignore the talents we have then why should he waste them on us?
2) Think of what the Savior did for these lepers. Not only did heal them of a terrible disease that rots the skin starting at the fingers and toes and moves its way in; but He gave them a life again. At that point in time, the lepers were confined to an area outside of the city walls because they were so contagious. People would avoid them at all costs (which is understandable, but sad). They had to wear bells so that others would know that they were around and they were basically left their to die. Who wants that kind of life of solitude? Not a single healthy person. So by taking this disease from the lepers the Savior literally made it possible for these people to have a life.
    Can you imagine walking away after this happens to you and not saying thank you? I can't. Yet we do little things on our own that show ingratitude. Talking about this makes me think...did I pay my tithing this month? Have I given any service to anyone or used my talents lately? When we do these small things we are showing Heavenly Father and the Savior that we recognize our blessings and are giving them the credit. When we pay our tithing we are saying "thank you", for the job they let us have, or for the health that we have so that we can work.

"Anything You Say Dear" (FAML)

      This week was a good one for readings in this class. The chapter we read was about letting our spouse influence us. Did you know that if you (and by that I mostly mean you husbands) don't let your spouse influence you there is an 81% chance that your marriage will end in divorce? Now before you get mad at me and say I am sexist and don't think that women need to do that as well, let me explain. In the book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" Gottman states that most of the time it is the husband who doesn't let his wife influence him. First I should probably explain a couple things. When I refer to influence I mean he doesn't let her make decisions with him, and he doesn't give her a say in many things. Guys, and by guys I mean everyone, this is actually really dangerous to your marriage. Second I should say that when we let our spouse influence us it is a way to show respect. Gottman talked about a man who even when his wife disagrees with him he doesn't go and make the decision without her. He says "I wouldn't think about making a decision she disagreed with. That would be very disrespectful. We talk and talk about it till we both agree, and then I make the decision." As Gottman would say, this is a very emotionally intelligent husband. Letting our spouses influence us can strengthen our marriages and strengthen the trust that we have.
    There was one point after my mission that I was talking to my boyfriend (who is now my husband) and he told me that there was a dirt bike that he really wanted to buy. He told me that it was super cheap and that he had enough money from his tax return to pay for it. He then went on to say that if I didn't want him to buy it he could also put it into his savings account for later. I loved this. Not only was he asking me to help him make a fairly big decision at that point (he was planning on us getting married and knew we could use the money for other things), but he was giving me options and asking for my opinion on it all. He wanted to see what I thought and he based his decision off of my answers. Now at that point I am pretty sure I told him that he could make the decision and choose what he wanted but that I thought it would be better to put it into savings. I didn't force him to do anything but because of our conversation he decided to put the money into savings instead.
     That helped me to trust him more because I could see that he wanted to know my side. He was interested in the things that I had to say. I definitely know that this is an important thing to practice as a married couple. I can see the difference that it makes and I am so glad I have such a wonderful husband who encourages me to help him.

"I Want To Be a Billionaire!" (FDREL)

My value and worth is not based off of things of the world. (Luke 12:15)

I am not 100% sure that that is what the scripture is saying, but when I read it that is immediately what came to mind. So many of us,  base our worth off of what we have or don't have. With us girls we "aren't worth anything" because we aren't pretty enough or have the right clothes. For guys the world tells you that you aren't good enough if you aren't super rich and successful or have a lot of women around you. Its sad. But this is one thing that I love about the scriptures; we have all of these ideas in society that make us think less of ourselves and in the scriptures, even though it was written thousands of years ago, we can still find comfort and answers to these problems. We can be assured that, no matter what, we are always worth something and that we can find peace in the Savior's teachings. The scriptures I feel were way ahead of their times. Someone knew we would be having problems and knew through the spirit what to write so that we could be happy even in this wicked time.

I posted this to our class discussion board and one of the students commented on it saying that he feels it is more a class problem instead of a gender problem. He is very right. Our world is all about getting to the top class and being as wealthy as humanly possible. WHY!? I was thinking about it the other day and after you earn so much money it loses its fun! Why have all of that money? There are only so many things you can spend it on anyway. I feel like I would get really bored with all too much money. I would eventually start giving it away to charities or friends/family who needed it. I guess I am the type of person who doesn't need a lot of money. I just need to be able to take care of my family with what I have.